Well, I'm not going to wax all philosophical and woo woo today. I've had a rather rude awakening to the fact that my sons' baseball season has started. As evidenced by Bay's total lack of preparation this morning in spite of the fact that I've mentioned it several times over the past week, I realize that until mid-July (longer, if we're on oober good teams) I have to turn up the mommy power and keep everyone in tip top, super organized mode. This is not exactly what I had in mind for my journey to make my OWN life more phenomenal.
And yet I think there is a paradox here, because it's really easy to be spiritual if you're sitting on top of an inaccessible mountain in the Andes or Himalayas and never ever have to deal with anyone else's shit. Being a Deva is ultimately about serving, about bringing about the highest good for the greatest number of people. I think the path set before me now is to remember that a Deva best serves by taking care of herself first. How many baseball and soccer seasons have I completely given up all my own interests to the stress of keeping every one else moving forward - meanwhile getting mired deeper and deeper in a swamp of self-pity and resentment?
So, my Deva goal over the next week or two, between tryouts and the actual practice season, is to make a beautiful concrete picture of what it is I want my life to look like. I'm taking the concept of a vision board to the next level and making a whole scrapbook of things I want to be, do, have, places I want to go, people I want to meet - all those things that if I met a stranger in a social setting and said "This is who I am, and this is what I do," they would be oober excited to meet such an interesting person. That's a big creative project that will take a while to finish so in the mean time I'm hauling out my day planner and writing down in Red ink some Deva things that are just for me, some fun family stuff, and even the boring stuff like scrubbing the red mildew out of the bottom of the shower so that it actually gets done and feels like an accomplishment.
I understand flexibility is an attribute every Deva has to have in excessive amounts, but if MY stuff is written down first, then everyone else's stuff will have to just work in around it. So, I'm thinking of things like jaunts into the city for art exhibits, checking out local museums, figuring out where the best places to go hiking are, when the local wineries open their tasting rooms for the season, and who the best massage therapist in town is. And yes, bigger things like trips to the coast or the mountains, every day sort of things like my own art projects and garden planting, and figuring out a raw food menu that my family will actually eat.
Taking on such a big, planned out, organized PROJECT feels good when it's by me, for me and about me. Cheryl Richardson talks so much about extreme self-care and how it appears to make a person incredibly selfish. But, its amazing, she goes on to explain, how the right kind of selfishness eventually leads to self-lessness - and that is what being a Deva is all about.
Have the Reddest Day Ever,
In Grace,
Kell
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
A little bird told me....
It's a gorgeous day here in Western Oregon, I woke up to beautiful blue sunshine although I think the rain clouds are now winning the battle for control of the skies. I was sitting outside on the deck earlier soaking up some Vitamin D (D for delicious, divine, delightful) with my 2 beautiful goddess cats Athena and Minerva and listening to a chorus of birds singing, chattering and twirping - and I remembered an incredible moment that happened to me a while back that really kickstarted this desire to breathe life into my divine spark and live my life more colorfully. I thought I'd share it here just to cement it more firmly in my mind....
My family recently moved about 1 1/2 hours further north along the I-5. The almost 2 years leading up to the actual move were some of the most tumultuous, stressful, life altering months of my life (and my husband and kids!). But by early January 2010 that transition stage was over - we were moved in, mostly unpacked, getting settled in and feeling like our new location was home. I had started doing my job via the telephone and internet with the understand that I would occasionally make the journey back down the freeway to check in. On this particular day I had taken my dog with me to the office (Yes, I am blessed!) which is about 1/2 block from a beautiful city park with bike trails and river banks and forest paths. I took Foppa out, equipped with a couple of plastic doggy bags, and headed for the park loop.
Now as I said, that big messy transition stage was over, but I was still feeling in flux. I could look back over the stressful times and honestly be grateful for them and everything I had learned, how I had grown, and where it had all gotten me. But I was kind of in a "now what" place. My mind was mulling things over as Foppa and I finished the loop and headed down the bike path that runs along the river. Just as we came to a gap in the trees I noticed a huge bird circling over the muddy brown water and as I stopped to look at it, it seemed to stop and look at me. This magnificent, enormous, beautiful, awesome Bald Eagle headed straight for us and perched in the top of a bare poplar tree not 20 feet from where I was standing. She turned her back on all the fish in that river and looked straight down at me! I was awestruck and would have stood there gaping forever but Foppa hadn't noticed the giant predator that probably thought she looked easier than a salmon and kept pulling on the leash to continue on our walk. So, I said thank you to the Eagle and kept going.
Now, being the woo-woo Deva that I am, I knew that Eagle was a sign. But, of what? I decided to google Eagle symbolism when I got back to my desk and kept on walking. Moments later when I stopped to use one of the doggy bags I had brought along, I notice a tiny Junco bird hopping around in the bushes. (Juncos were my Grandma Gladys' favorite, and I always think of her.) Suddenly I realized that the bushes and ground and trees and undergrowth were ALIVE with birds. There were hundreds if not thousands of them - tiny sparrows, juncos and chickadees as well as robins, starlings, and as I continued on, two crows chasing away a falcon. It was amazing that what I had thought was silence was suddenly filled with a symphony of bird song.
I'm happy to say that for once I recognized that prickle in the center of my chest like there's blood or energy or something beautiful rushing into my heart and knew something was up. "OK," I whispered, "What's up? What am I suppose to learn here?" And almost instantly, there was that voice - you know, the one that you don't hear very often, which sounds like your own voice in the back of your own head, but which you know you didn't come up with entirely on your own? And it said, "Birds don't hibernate, they migrate."
It was winter, and I had just migrated. And unlike the birds, I was on the verge of hibernating like I had done so many winters before. I was in danger of falling back into old patterns and paradigms that were easy and for the most part comfortable but which would leave me feeling out of focus and unfulfilled. I realized that all those tiny birds were busy, they were working their little tail feathers off, but you couldn't help but think they were having the time of their lives. The message for me was clear, don't you dare hibernate. Don't sit on your ass and wish and dream and hope. Get up and make something beautiful! It doesn't matter if you don't know how - do something, anything.
The Eagle was gone when we passed under the poplar tree on our way back, but I did google native american animal symbols when I got to my computer. The Eagle represents a higher, broader, more divine perspective. It's also a reminder, I think, that every journey, every goal, every dream is a spiritual one and that every transition doesn't lead to a place, it leads to a new transition.
This was a long one! Have the Reddest day ever!
In Grace,
Kell
My family recently moved about 1 1/2 hours further north along the I-5. The almost 2 years leading up to the actual move were some of the most tumultuous, stressful, life altering months of my life (and my husband and kids!). But by early January 2010 that transition stage was over - we were moved in, mostly unpacked, getting settled in and feeling like our new location was home. I had started doing my job via the telephone and internet with the understand that I would occasionally make the journey back down the freeway to check in. On this particular day I had taken my dog with me to the office (Yes, I am blessed!) which is about 1/2 block from a beautiful city park with bike trails and river banks and forest paths. I took Foppa out, equipped with a couple of plastic doggy bags, and headed for the park loop.
Now as I said, that big messy transition stage was over, but I was still feeling in flux. I could look back over the stressful times and honestly be grateful for them and everything I had learned, how I had grown, and where it had all gotten me. But I was kind of in a "now what" place. My mind was mulling things over as Foppa and I finished the loop and headed down the bike path that runs along the river. Just as we came to a gap in the trees I noticed a huge bird circling over the muddy brown water and as I stopped to look at it, it seemed to stop and look at me. This magnificent, enormous, beautiful, awesome Bald Eagle headed straight for us and perched in the top of a bare poplar tree not 20 feet from where I was standing. She turned her back on all the fish in that river and looked straight down at me! I was awestruck and would have stood there gaping forever but Foppa hadn't noticed the giant predator that probably thought she looked easier than a salmon and kept pulling on the leash to continue on our walk. So, I said thank you to the Eagle and kept going.
Now, being the woo-woo Deva that I am, I knew that Eagle was a sign. But, of what? I decided to google Eagle symbolism when I got back to my desk and kept on walking. Moments later when I stopped to use one of the doggy bags I had brought along, I notice a tiny Junco bird hopping around in the bushes. (Juncos were my Grandma Gladys' favorite, and I always think of her.) Suddenly I realized that the bushes and ground and trees and undergrowth were ALIVE with birds. There were hundreds if not thousands of them - tiny sparrows, juncos and chickadees as well as robins, starlings, and as I continued on, two crows chasing away a falcon. It was amazing that what I had thought was silence was suddenly filled with a symphony of bird song.
I'm happy to say that for once I recognized that prickle in the center of my chest like there's blood or energy or something beautiful rushing into my heart and knew something was up. "OK," I whispered, "What's up? What am I suppose to learn here?" And almost instantly, there was that voice - you know, the one that you don't hear very often, which sounds like your own voice in the back of your own head, but which you know you didn't come up with entirely on your own? And it said, "Birds don't hibernate, they migrate."
It was winter, and I had just migrated. And unlike the birds, I was on the verge of hibernating like I had done so many winters before. I was in danger of falling back into old patterns and paradigms that were easy and for the most part comfortable but which would leave me feeling out of focus and unfulfilled. I realized that all those tiny birds were busy, they were working their little tail feathers off, but you couldn't help but think they were having the time of their lives. The message for me was clear, don't you dare hibernate. Don't sit on your ass and wish and dream and hope. Get up and make something beautiful! It doesn't matter if you don't know how - do something, anything.
The Eagle was gone when we passed under the poplar tree on our way back, but I did google native american animal symbols when I got to my computer. The Eagle represents a higher, broader, more divine perspective. It's also a reminder, I think, that every journey, every goal, every dream is a spiritual one and that every transition doesn't lead to a place, it leads to a new transition.
This was a long one! Have the Reddest day ever!
In Grace,
Kell
Friday, February 26, 2010
Grandma Mary the Deva
My husband got back from Phoenix today. His grandmother passed away and he went to support his mom and the rest of the family during the preparations for the memorial service (and the giant party afterward). He shared with me a little of what he had talked about at the service, when everyone took turns talking about Mary and what she had meant to them. He basically said that his Grandma had taught him how to grow older without being old. How when he had visited his grandparents as a teenager and saw them in their square dancing get ups that he thought they were total dorks, but that he realized now how that was just one of many interests that kept them young at heart. She was an artist and a crafter, a dancer, a teacher. She had so many friends that the center at the mobile home park where they held the service was over flowing with people. She followed the Phoenix Coyotes and went to basketball games, art exhibits, museums, concerts - in the later years she dragged an oxygen tank along with her and stopped for kidney dialyses along the way. Before she got cancer, she told me she hoped to visit China soon. She didn't make it, but I'm sure her spirit hovered somewhere over the great wall before passing into the All That Is.
A few years ago, people would explain to me how Grandma Mary wasn't your typical Grandma. She didn't cuddle you in blankets and make you cookies. She was a horrible cook. She sent you awful, cheap Christmas presents and usually forgot your birthday. She was hardly ever around and didn't actually know her grandchildren that well until they became adults and got more interesting. Funny that we didn't understand her lack of desire to live up to the stereotype but now that she's gone from the here and now, we all want to be her. She lived according to her terms, practiced her own beliefs and held to her own truths. She lived her own life, and no one else's.
Grandma Mary was a Deva. She knew that the way to best serve was to follow her own bliss. I think it didn't occur to her that the rest of us might not be doing the same thing. So, she didn't make cookies or do typical grandma things. In the end, she taught us by example exactly what we needed to learn. How to live balls out and never look back with regret.
She taught us how to grow older without being old. Thanks for the lesson in Deva-hood Mary. You rock.
Have the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
A few years ago, people would explain to me how Grandma Mary wasn't your typical Grandma. She didn't cuddle you in blankets and make you cookies. She was a horrible cook. She sent you awful, cheap Christmas presents and usually forgot your birthday. She was hardly ever around and didn't actually know her grandchildren that well until they became adults and got more interesting. Funny that we didn't understand her lack of desire to live up to the stereotype but now that she's gone from the here and now, we all want to be her. She lived according to her terms, practiced her own beliefs and held to her own truths. She lived her own life, and no one else's.
Grandma Mary was a Deva. She knew that the way to best serve was to follow her own bliss. I think it didn't occur to her that the rest of us might not be doing the same thing. So, she didn't make cookies or do typical grandma things. In the end, she taught us by example exactly what we needed to learn. How to live balls out and never look back with regret.
She taught us how to grow older without being old. Thanks for the lesson in Deva-hood Mary. You rock.
Have the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Getting Started
I'm not sure how to start a blog about a life transition. A life makeover. The beginnings of a life lived out loud for the first time. It's hard to imagine someone somewhere might actually read this and know what an incredibly mundane life I've lived thus far. The infinite possibilities that slid by unnoticed and wasted. Or even worse, check in with me in a few weeks, months or years and say "Geez, Kell, you haven't come very far have you?"
So, begins my journey toward more than ordinary. I imagine a life filled with finished art projects, travel journals, friends, laughter, lots of dancing, and excellent health. Yet, today was spent almost entirely in front of my computer. I have a crick in my neck. But, amazingly enough, today I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. At the end of the day, my house was still a mess, there was not a clean sock to be found, I did not accomplish one thing on my "work" to do list and yet somehow I was glowing with accomplishment and satisfaction.
I worked for almost 6 hours on my website, GracefulDeva.com, which is coming soon and will accompany this blog as a record of my journey toward Deva-hood and a spectacular life lived to the fullest. I started around 10:00 a.m. and about 20 minutes later my youngest son was walking in the door from school. Over five hours had gone by completely unnoticed! I hadn't eaten anything in that time and was almost brain dead from focusing on my computer screen, but it FELT so good. That's one of those projects that I've wanted to do forever and have put off time and again because something more important needed doing. (Something more important usually being defined as something I thought someone else needed or wanted me to do - and I say that as a reflection on me, not them.)
So, a couple hours of housework and kid-time later I'm racing back from Staples with a new ink cartridge so my older son and I can settle in to work on a huge project that is due tomorrow but has been put off all week because of the lack of ink. For his health class, my son needed to make a collage poster of his life. So, we started at the beginning, hauling out old photo albums and scanning pictures and fighting with Costco photo cd's to try and depict the last 13 years. I realized two things. #1 My kid has had a wonderful life and he is an amazing human being. #2 I have craved the opportunity to throw myself deeply into a creative project like this. For the second time today, several hours in front of the computer screen seemed like nothing. We had an incredible time together, looking at old photos and reliving memories, and marking important points in his life with a picture on the board.
So, my extraordinary life began with something rather ordinary which was so present moment that it turned out to be profound, and eye opening, and very very Deva. Its all about the baby steps I guess, the journey, not the destination. After all, will there ever be a moment when I say "Look! I've arrived. I'm a full-fledged Deva in my amazing life - I'm done!" Good Goddess, I hope not.
Have the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
So, begins my journey toward more than ordinary. I imagine a life filled with finished art projects, travel journals, friends, laughter, lots of dancing, and excellent health. Yet, today was spent almost entirely in front of my computer. I have a crick in my neck. But, amazingly enough, today I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. At the end of the day, my house was still a mess, there was not a clean sock to be found, I did not accomplish one thing on my "work" to do list and yet somehow I was glowing with accomplishment and satisfaction.
I worked for almost 6 hours on my website, GracefulDeva.com, which is coming soon and will accompany this blog as a record of my journey toward Deva-hood and a spectacular life lived to the fullest. I started around 10:00 a.m. and about 20 minutes later my youngest son was walking in the door from school. Over five hours had gone by completely unnoticed! I hadn't eaten anything in that time and was almost brain dead from focusing on my computer screen, but it FELT so good. That's one of those projects that I've wanted to do forever and have put off time and again because something more important needed doing. (Something more important usually being defined as something I thought someone else needed or wanted me to do - and I say that as a reflection on me, not them.)
So, a couple hours of housework and kid-time later I'm racing back from Staples with a new ink cartridge so my older son and I can settle in to work on a huge project that is due tomorrow but has been put off all week because of the lack of ink. For his health class, my son needed to make a collage poster of his life. So, we started at the beginning, hauling out old photo albums and scanning pictures and fighting with Costco photo cd's to try and depict the last 13 years. I realized two things. #1 My kid has had a wonderful life and he is an amazing human being. #2 I have craved the opportunity to throw myself deeply into a creative project like this. For the second time today, several hours in front of the computer screen seemed like nothing. We had an incredible time together, looking at old photos and reliving memories, and marking important points in his life with a picture on the board.
So, my extraordinary life began with something rather ordinary which was so present moment that it turned out to be profound, and eye opening, and very very Deva. Its all about the baby steps I guess, the journey, not the destination. After all, will there ever be a moment when I say "Look! I've arrived. I'm a full-fledged Deva in my amazing life - I'm done!" Good Goddess, I hope not.
Have the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)