Do What's in Front of You

I think I have lived great chunks of my life stressing over what I was not doing. I'm not working out, I'm not meditating, I'm not cleaning my house, I'm not spending quality time with the right people, I'm not journaling, I'm not dancing, I'm not keeping in touch with friends, I'm not gardening, I'm not painting.....

This week I'm having one of those times where the universe puts the same issue in front of me over and over again. I've listened to some interviews, read some blogs, quotes and articles, talked with my mom and sister and some other baseball moms and the message has been the same.

As a "spiritual" person I think its important to integrate daily practices of meditation, journaling, affirmations, guided visualizations, etc. As a "health-conscious" person I think its important to always eat the best quality, closest-to-nature foods possible - every single time. As an "artsy" person I think its important to practice your craft as often as possible - mainly for the sheer love it, because it makes you feel good. As a "good mom", its important to spend quality, close-up personal time with my kids. As a Deva, I know its important to fit in fun as often as possible.

But, you know, more often than not, shit happens. And quite frankly, its almost impossible to fit in all of the above into a single 16 hour day. There's logistically just not enough time.  So, while I'm doing dishes I'm stressing that I'm not working on the website. While I'm sitting in the sun at a baseball game I'm stressing that I'm not picking the strawberries in the backyard. When I'm driving to work I'm worrying that I didn't get up early enough to meditate and exercise before starting the day.

"Living in the moment" is a huge catch phrase these days. "Being present" is another one. But that has just become another thing that needs to be done, something else to stress about that I'm not doing. I think I'm finally starting to get it. Being in the present moment doesn't just mean that I create perfect moments by consciously fitting in all the things I'm supposed to do. It also means allowing space for the moments that are "imperfect." This is not just about forgiving myself for watching a movie instead of working out or not getting up early enough to meditate. It's about those transition moments when you're getting ready to pick the strawberries or work on the website but you have to make your kid a peanut butter sandwich first. Its about having to stop in the middle of art project because you've stepped in cat barf on the carpet. Its about being at the baseball field for 6 hours on the first sunny Saturday of the year and there is a ton of gardening to do.

On top of that, its not just about allowing for the imperfect. It's about accepting the perfection in the imperfect. Thorn bushes have roses. God and beauty and health and love and joy are not just in the "good things" - they're in every thing. And living out loud in every moment means trusting that every moment is exactly as it should be. Stress, anxiety and worry demonstrate a complete lack of faith. Cat barf is spiritual. God is in the peanut butter. And crispy red skin from 6 hours at the ball field is beautiful.

I still believe in conscious pleasure. I still know that writing it in red on my calendar highly increases the likelihood of it actually happening. And sometimes you have to so "No!" to the craziness to create space for Peace. But great joy also comes from leaning into the crap. From not seeing the distractions as something that take you away from God, but actually portals you into Her presence. It's all Red.

Do what's in front of you. You know its what you're supposed to be doing, quite frankly simply because its happening.  There's a lot of Grace in that.

Have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Summer Solstice

"Glory of the Day-Star, hail!
Lifter of the Light, Burnisher of the Sky,
Gifts of love to earth are bringing,
Summer's shimmer, dew's delight.
Dancing be the heart within us,
Open be our souls to bliss,
Courage vanquish every shadow,
Greet midsummer with a kiss."

     - Caitlin Matthews

Deva Weekend

This weekend my family participated in a regional Relay for Life Event. The whole weekend was like a continuous series of those precious wow moments where the universe seems to stop spinning for a nanosecond and you realize that you're really happy, proud, excited, exactly where you're suppose to be.

There was, of course, just the head knowledge of knowing you were doing something for a good cause. There was the sense of community with the 840 strangers who were all there doing the same thing. There was the closer sense of family with my team - many were family, many I didn't know at all. There was the just plain girliness of spending an entire 24 hours in wings, boa, tiara and blue dreadlocks (I decided to forgo the red in order to fulfill a childhood love affair with the blue fairy from Pinnochio) The thrill of winning the silent auction bids on the Demarini bats for my kids. Getting to see friends from High School I hadn't seen in 20 + years (love ya Becca and Tara)  My favorite time was the 4 a.m. hour I walked by myself - with every corner rounded the sky grew lighter - Venus kept me company the whole time - in my sleep deprived state I was in love with the world, in love with my self, and so happy to be a Deva.

Here are my boys, Friar Tuck and the Court Jester under my award winning castle archway!

In honor of Aunt Mary, My Dad, Jeanne N., Aunt Kay and Colin - all cancer survivors.

Thats $600 worth of baseball bats that we got for $115 on the silent auction. I almost had a heart attack stalking another bidder and counting down the final seconds. Bailey said he thought he was going to be sick.

It takes a real Deva to leave her Tiara and boa on all night. I know I look like hell - its about 2 a.m. here.

Next year I'm forming a Deva team. Who's comin'?

Have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell