Shinin' the Light.

I belong to a LifeMakeover Group. That's a group of women going through, chapter by chapter the book, "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson. It just so happens that this particular LMO group only has me and one other person in it. Deva Kelli and I are like separate trains runnin' on parallel train tracks. She "gets" every word that comes out of my mouth and I'm always amazed that the words coming out of hers are exactly what my soul was already feeling or needed to hear. Anyway, we talk more about Mama Gena than we do Life Makeovers but this week we decided to be "caught up" to chapter 23 which is called "Shine the Light."


The take action challenge in this chapter is to shine a bright light on a secret dream. Take it out of the closet, shake the dust off, and make some kind of declaration about it.  I've been slowly trying to do just that to a couple of friends, my husband, and here on this blog. But to shine the full force of the sun on my sweet moldy little dream feels like standing naked in Grand Central Station.

So here goes...

I've been, with some trepidation and reluctance, begun practicing referring to my Self as an "artist." I recently announced I'm taking on the new official part/full time job of being such an animal and seeing where that takes me. For years people have been telling me "your signs are so cute," "you're so talented," "you should have a website," "you should be in craft fairs," "you should sell you work." Blah blah blah. I either didn't really take them, or me, seriously or I just didn't know where to start.

Here's where I want it to take me. I'd like to have my signs/chairs/toolboxes, etc. in about 5-10 different locations in the state at any given time. I'd like to "show" in a couple of art fairs each year. I'd like being an artist to be so successful that I don't have to work for anyone else. But here's the big part. The part that's really coming out of the closet.

I'd like to run/own/operate one of those adorable seasonal boutiquey craft fairs that operates for 3-4 weekends in a row 3-4 times a year. One that brings together the beautiful artplay of beautiful women who make things especially for other beautiful women. It's called "Pomegranates." It lives in an antique barn, or maybe a funky grange hall, or maybe someone's guest house or over sized tool shed.

Have to admit that I didn't know I had this part of the dream until I met Deva Kelli and she told me her dream is to run a boutique  but didn't know how running a full time retail shop would work with her being a full-time mother of three and I actually suggested that she try the "seasonal boutique" thought on for size.  The more I thought about it for her, the more I wanted it for me. And for Pete's sake the universe is big enough for both of us, isn't it?

Well, the light is shining. Not sure what to do with it next. Guess I'll just head back into the studio and paint the crap out of some more boards.

Red is scary sometimes.

In Grace,

Kell

I Love Me!

Been so long since I blogged. Guess that's what happens when you live your life and don't have time to write about it. Soooo much has happened and I always feel like I need to catch everything up here in blogland. But I'm not gonna.

It's Valentine's Day. A Holiday I've come to intrinsically dislike and disagree with on so many levels. As if we are incomplete without a sweetheart in our lives. As if having a sweetheart fixes everything. As if that sweetheart could love us perfectly without our learning to love our Selves first.

That being said my Sweetheart has been rather lovely lately. We did our Val-Day thing yesterday, and he went without complaint to a whole/raw restaurant in Portland that I've been oogling. He enjoyed it very much - its tastiness far surpassed his expectations and I am infinitely cooler than before.

That same Sweetheart of mine has had an incredible epiphany lately. It seems that as he approaches 40 (I'll get there first!) and faces that inevitable mid-life crisis thing, that he has found new fulfillment, joy and life-essence in the prospect of making me Happy! All I can say is, Mama Gena was right. It seems that when I make my own pleasure, joy and fulfillment a priority to Me, I become this amazing, interesting, beautiful woman that suddenly everyone else wants to make Happy too. I've said it once, I'll say it again, every woman in America needs to read this book

Thanks to Deva Rana's encouragement and the now out loud verbal support of that sweet guy of mine, oh and the screaming whisper of my inner goddess saying "Enough already! Get on with it!" I am now devoting myself to the 2nd job of being an artist. The antique shop in Albany is almost ready for my work - Deva Kelli is ready to research a show or two, and there are lovely outlets all over the place once I start looking. The Graceful Deva website is under construction to support this endeavor and every Monday is devoted to the magic of Art Play.

There's another creative project underway but under wraps for now. Its a writing project and lets just say the research is fun and titillating. It's been in the back of my brain for a couple of years but is now springing forward onto the written page - sometimes sheepishly, sometimes powerfully - but always with lots and lots of Red!  I take my little Red notebook to a coffee shop on Fridays now and write lovely, wicked things - right in plain view of baristas, business men with laptops, church ladies with bibles and college students with homework.

Got to see one of my heroes, Green Smoothie Girl, live and in person recently. I've been 70-80% raw lately and she is on of the people who inspires me. I've been finishing up the Women on the Edge of Evolution podcast series from last year - its always amazing to hear how my journey is not just my own, and certainly not alone. Ooh! One last thing that I am so excited about - although no one else will be - tomorrow I'm having my first colon hydrotherapy session! I will keep the gory details to my Self, but will let everyone know if it makes me feel good!

Happy all about Red-Hot, Passionate Love Day! Be the very best sweetheart of your own Soul that you can possibly be. What is it your dream love would do for you today? If you don't currently have one, or he/she falls a little short, do it for your Self! You are so miraculously, gorgeously, beautifully worth it.

Have the Reddest Red Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Walk into the light!

Did you see the lunar eclipse last night? I did for about 15.5 seconds. It was actually kind of magical. We got back late from a holiday party - my mom called and said I was missing it and needed to go outside RIGHT NOW. Bailey and I ran outside - no jackets or shoes - into the middle of the street and looked up. It was solid gray skies - no stars, not a hint of moonlight. It wasn't going to happen for another 342 years and we were missing it. Oh well, I thought, its still happening, whether I can see it or not. I can still let go of what I no longer need and embrace a new light. Its not like the eclipse itself makes it happen, its my intention and reaction to the symbolism of it.

Suddenly the clouds moved. The sky shifted and wisps of gray clouds parted just enough in just the right spot. It looked like an ordinary half moon - no strange coloration or dimness - just a plain old white half moon. Except that we knew the moon was full. That this was no ordinary sight.

There wasn't time to run for the camera or let anyone else know. It lasted for barely more than a moment before the clouds shifted again and this once in a lifetime sight was obscured.  I felt blessed. Truly honored.

The winter solstice might be my very favorite day of the year. Not because of any symbolism or ritual attached to it, but because every day hereafter for the next 6 months is a little lighter, longer, lovelier.

The ever eloquent Caitlin Matthews greets it like this:

"Brightener of the Darkness, hail!
Keeper of the Clearness, Opener of the Depths,
Gifts of plenty are arising, 
Winter wonders, white snows' fall.
Joyful be the heart within us, 
Open wide the guesting door,
Wisdom waken in abundance,
Warm our beings to the core."


Turn on the tea kettle, stoke the fire, huddle in and get quiet - winter is here. But, Hades' arms hold us a few seconds less every day and Spring is coming. How will you get ready to Shine?

Have the Reddest Winter ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Giving Thanks....Finally

I haven't written in a while. Its in part due to the busyness of the holidays and in part due to the bzillion thoughts and realizations tumbling through my head - too many to write down at once.
I had a bad feeling at Thanksgiving. When I tried to explain this to people it usually came out sounding like I resented having to do all the work involved or pay for the cost of the holidays in lieu of other things. But, that wasn't really it.

I think I was feeling displaced.

When I was shopping at the grocery store for the Thanksgiving meal, it did occur to me how commercialized and materialistic even Thanksgiving has become. There didn't seem to be a lot of joy, let alone gratitude, in the whole undertaking. Now, I don't mean to bitch here. I had some great moments cooking with my kids, and the meal itself - sitting down with friends and family - that part was great. But, my husband summed up what I was feeling later that evening. My kids commented that although I read a Celtic blessing before we all dished up and sat down, that I had forgotten our tradition of holding hands, going around the table and each person saying something they are thankful for. My ever hilarious husband piped up, "I'm thankful that we didn't have to say what we're thankful for!"

I threw myself into Christmas wholeheartedly, thoroughly enjoying the decorating and the beauty of the Christmas tree and the lights and everything else. But, a few days ago some friends on Facebook commented about how people focus only on presents and greed and commercialism - and another friend responded that she loved the opportunity to give and celebrate just the joy of having people to love and give gifts to. It was in reading that "conversation" that I understood my angst.

I was indeed feeling the lack of meaning in the spoon fed commercialism that has become the tradition behind the holidays in our culture. But, at the same time I was feeling a pulling away from what has also been traditionally referred to as the "true meaning" behind them. The pilgrims did not wear top hats with big buckles and big white collars. They didn't eat turkeys, they ate sea bass. Jesus of Nazareth was not born on the 25th of December and there is nothing more pagan than an evergreen tree all lit up with ornaments and candles. While I was craving meaning, I was also resisting being told what that meaning should be.

I have in my every day life gotten far away from religion, from churchy-ness, from letting someone else tell me what God wants. But, at this time of year it comes flying back in the door with a vengeance.

So what is the answer? What is the meaning? Well, as Mr. Miyagi or Yoda, or Rumi, or any of the great and not so great new-age, self-help teachers of today would say - the answer lies within your own heart. Its whatever makes you happy. As Mama Gena would say, it means sucking as much pleasure out of the whole thing as you possibly can. It means letting go of all traditions, all expectations, keeping the things you like and ecstatically chucking the rest. It means being okay with someone else celebrating their religious rituals and knowing that I don't have to.

So for the rest of the holiday season - just a few more days really - I'm going to celebrate what most people would consider the secular side of things. I'm going to buy people presents and wrap them beautifully. I'm going to be grateful for the excessive number of sno-men and snow globes in my home.  I'm going to not make cookies and candy because it would make me feel gross. I'm not going to darken the doorway of a religious service. I'm going to thank Goddess that Jesus was born on whatever date he came into being and that his message was of unconditional love, grace and the awesome powerfulness of being human. I'm going to love love love everyone whose presence I am honored with. I'm going to give until it hurts; I'm going to receive until its embarrassing. I'm going to sing Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs - religious and secular ones alike - because they remind me of the magic and mystery I felt as a child. I'm going to do all of this intentionally and consciously.

As the loving Universe we live in often does, it confirmed my conclusions this morning in a funny way. You know how everyone talks about those Facebook "friends" we've never met and don't really know like they're a bad thing? Today I'm incredibly thankful for one such friend. Paul Kennedy and I have never met, we simply have a few "likes" in common. But today he said this: "Pleasing folks makes them needier .... please yourself this holiday season. Love yourself above all others and that love will overflow to everyone in your life. The greatest gift you can offer anyone is your own happiness." I don't know if he was quoting someone else or this was his original thought, but wow - well said.


I am no longer displaced.


Have the Reddest Christmas Ever!


In Grace,


Kell

Duck!

From Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe - today's note

There are only miracles, Kelly, and to one degree or another they all soothe, pamper, and enrich. However, to avoid blowing too many minds at once, some are disguised as unpleasant surprises, botched circumstances, and twisted acquaintances that can rarely be seen for who or what they truly are until the pendulum has fully swung.
Yes... don't I think of everything?
Duck!
    The Universe

So if something still hurts, baffles, or confuses, Kelly, it only means a miracle has occurred, the pendulum is mid-swing, and that soon you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

One year - aversary.

One year ago today we woke up on the hard floor in our empty house then watched as the moving guys unloaded our entire life from the van. It's fun to have a point of reference like that to look back over the past year and appreciate how good its been, how far we've come.

I remember a couple of days before we moved in I was able to get into the house and walk thru it by myself. I stood in the empty living and promised the house, my Self, the Universe that this huge change, this upheaval in our lives would be worth it. I swore that in this house I would become the Graceful Deva, whoever she turned out to be.

Its so cool that on this day when my family is acknowledging, if not really celebrating, our having been here for a full year, that the "first seventh" Harry Potter movie opens. We're going tonight as a family. I'm the uber Harry geek, but the whole family has joined me on the fringes of my geekdom. I love that there's something this fun to do on this particular night.

We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house next week and today I started going through some boxes of Christmas decorations to start putting the house in the holiday mood. We didn't "do" Christmas last year because we had just moved in and there were boxes everywhere. It seemed significant today that I opened the boxes of my merry snowmen collection and said hello to those old friends I hadn't seen since 2008. I can still remember where I got each and every one of them.

I've done well on my first week of the Photo365 project. The photos are all on the GracefulDeva.com Gallery of Grace if you want to check in on my progress.

This has truly been the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Photo 365 project....

I already put this on Facebook, but thought I'd blog it too. Deva Sara introduced me to this fun photography project. It's called 365 Project and you take one photo every single day for a year to document your journey over that period of time. The picture can be of anything: people, nature, places, your Self, cloud formations, pets, bugs on a sidewalk....anything that jumps out at you as noteworthy.

This obviously requires you talking a camera or other picture taking device with you everywhere, every second of the day.  It's entirely possible that I won't make it past 2 weeks of this commitment, but I hope I do. How many times do you look back over the weeks, months, year and not remember anything really significant. I think Life happens in the small moments and I want to remember some of mine from now on.

I've made a special photo gallery on my Website and I'll put up notices on FB and here from time to time.

Here's another great article about the project that helped me decide to take the plunge.

Doing my best to remember all the Red moments!

In Grace,

Kell