Ta Dah.....!!!!!

Finally, Finally, Finally........introducing my ongoing forever infinity project to go along with this blog......

www.gracefuldeva.com is live!  Well it has been for a while but I've just now gotten it to a place that I can live with. There are obviously several links and pages that aren't up yet...I'm working on it! Can't wait for you to see it - please let me know what you think!

Reddest day ever!!!!!!!!!

In Grace,

Kell

On the edge....

Do you ever get the feeling that you're just on the edge of something amazing? Like you've waited and visualized and hoped and dreamed and that whatever it is might just be right around the corner? That's how I've felt the past couple of weeks.

It started when my box arrived from Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm. Remember back in the spring when I went to the local tulip festival and walked amongst the acres and acres of gorgeous tulip blooms? It was significant because up to that point I didn't do stuff like that...not alone anyway. If my guys didn't want to go somewhere, I didn't go. Like there was some rule that said I couldn't go somewhere without them. But that day last spring I went and I had a great time with myself and it was kind of this breakthrough moment of realizing I didn't need anyone's permission to have fun on my own terms.

So this week I planted my tulip bulbs in the front yard and thought about how far I've come in a few short months. I pondered the significance of tulip bulbs in relation to my new obsession with winter and spring, death and new life, Hades and Persephone. I thought about Shelby in Steel Magnolias and her very distinct shades of Blush and Bashful - because in the spring my three varieties of tulips will explode in three very distinct shades of Red - First Impression, Attila Graffiti , and Kingsblood.

That was the extension of my observance of the Fall Equinox - I didn't even open my copy of the Celtic Devotional. But planting bulbs felt like enough.

One reason why it feels like something of significance is about to explode is that a couple of cool things happened this week. One is that I met a new friend - another warrior named Kelli who is helping set up a local chapter of a Life Makeover Group - An invention of one of my favorite authors - Cheryl Richardson. I belonged to a LMO Group a few years ago and that collection of girlfriends led, I believe, to some significant life changes on my part. In the wake of my recent declaring to the universe that I was finally realizing my own solitary existence and my need for female relationships, I think its pretty cool that her life made way for her to reach out to me at just the right time.

We met at "my" local coffee shop and  2 1/2 hours sped by as we talked about where we are in our lives and found we are on the same page on many levels. She has, of course, read Cheryl Richardson, but has also been introducing Mama Gena's pleasure principles into her life and ran into Persephone and Demeter when she read "Traveling with Pomegranates" earlier this year.

 In the same vein, I had signed up at GirlfriendCircles.com a while back and this same week they set me up with a "Connecting Circle" - scheduled for the day after my family gets back from a quick trip to Vegas. So, tomorrow I'm meeting Kelli and another women in our first official LMO group meeting where we'll decide how to best support each other through whatever life is bringing next. Then, next Wednesday I'll have a "girl's night out" with some total strangers at a cafe in Beaverton.  Ask and it is given.  Perhaps soon the page in my vision book that is filled with photos of women laughing and relating and "friending" will be filled with real pictures of people I actually know.

The other cool thing is that Thursday, on the first day of Fall and under the power of that powerful Aries full moon, I finally got the ovaries to ask my bosses' wife how I can help her finally get her antiques and collectible gift shop open. She said my timing was perfect and that she had just decided that week to finally get the ball rolling. So, I went over to her shop, worked it out with my boss that I'll work half days for him and half days for her and came home with 4 antique doors in my van to paint and antique. My purpose, other than just being a friend and providing the extra warm body and set of hands she needs, is that when she is open, I will have an outlet for my own artwork and antiques! I am so excited I can hardly breathe through the "squueeeeee" of excitement coming out of my chest.

On top of all that, this week we're getting ready for our trip to the great L.V. - with kids no less - centered around a pre-season hockey game and a trip to Hoover dam. Much to do and lots of excitement to go around. Am realizing there will be no room for procrastination or dis-organization starting now.....

The universe is conspiring......can't wait to see what it comes up with.

Having the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

kell

Family Girl Power

Sue, Cathy, Julie, Me, Pat, Linda, Jennifer & Julie

My grandmother-in-law out-carnated last year (scroll way down to see my post about Deva Mary). This last week her daughters Linda, Sue (my mom-in-law), Pat and her daughter-in-law Cathy got together with as many of their daughters and daughters-in-law  as possible to celebrate family, estrogen, girl-power, and wine.

We toured the Applegate Valley wineries and vineyards via a 14 person stretch limo. 5 wineries, 25 - 30 tastes - its a good thing hot limo drive Casey was at the wheel and not me!

J's sister Julie, cousin Jennifer & me

We ate, drank, laughed, cried, shared, got to know each other better and celebrated good and hard the legacy that matriarch Mary Moore had left behind.

Me, Jennifer, Aunt Linda, M-I-L Sue

Family is a funny thing - you can know people for years and not know them. Or, in my case with my husband's cousins and aunts, you can know about them for years and not know them. But put 9 women together in a limo or a hotel room or the dining room at the country club, and suddenly you're friends. Suddenly the shared experience of blood, marriage, and ovaries transcends all boundaries and crosses all bridges.

The Julies in the foreground

This week pouring in the pleasure was easy since it got scheduled in for me without much effort. For now, its back to the ritualistic scheduling in of the sacred amidst the mundane. But, there's a happy, over-flowing-ness that followed me home from the family estrogen fest.  That sense of belonging to a group - a group of women that now has less to do with the fact that the only reason I know them is because I married my husband. Even from Medford, Aloha, Sacramento, Eureka, and Oklahoma - they've got my back, just because.

Sue, Pat, Julie in the Limo

Have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

J's sis Julie, Jennifer, Me, Cheryl, J's bro's wife Julie

Pouring it in.....

Last Friday evening, Gavin Little Bird and I went to the Tualatin Farmers Market since it's more conveniently scheduled on Friday evenings. (Saturdays are just to busy with other stuff for me.) It's much bigger than the Sherwood market and we had fun picking out fresh corn, peaches, free range eggs - and of course, his gluten free, vegan, double chocolate Samoa brownie. After walking around a bit he was still hungry and had his eyes on the Dungeness Crab filled won tons. I caved - we bought one serving of 6 - he ate four, I had 2. They were lovely. He is my little food adventurer.

I bought myself some paraben free lotion and soap from The Custom Soap Shop - Coconut Lime Verbena flavored. In my bag she gave me a list of all the shows she will be at over the next few months - which could come in handy when I'm planning my Pleasure as a Power Tool schedule.

Friday nights are traditionally boring as hell around our house so I started earlier to try to find something we all could do together. We just ended up at a movie, which I always think is a rather ironic thing to do with people you want to spend quality time with. Anyway, we went to the cheap theater and saw the Jackie Chan/Jaden Smith remake of The Karate Kid which was fun and adorable. I'm mainly proud of myself because at least I wasn't at home sitting on my bum and wishing I was doing something better.

Saturday was the first day of the soccer season - I got to see Bailey's team crush Tigard 8 - 1 - but ever so much lovelier than the game was the gaggle of moms I got to sit with on the sidelines. I met Jayne and Lori for the first time and reconnect with Laura who is a total hoot - she said she'd been meaning to call me for months to see if I wanted to go do something fun. She, like me, is a little burned, not on being a mom, but on being ONLY a mom.

Sunday was lovely and glorious - I spent almost the entire day either sitting on my porch in the sun, or curled up on my bed - reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo from start to finish in less than 24 hours. I don't read that much fiction, and when I do I remember why. I am incapable of enjoying a novel over a period of time - something reasonable like a week or ten days. I get so sucked in that I can't put the darn thing down and then have novel hangover for 3 days.

Can't wait for this bullie's finished mug

Unicorn in process

Hippocampus = Sea-horse

Artist at work on a classic horse

Today I'm at work in Albany, but slipped across the street at lunchtime to finally tour the Carousel Museum. They've had the engine and guts of an old time carousel donated and have volunteers hand carving all the pieces. The artistry is amazing - some are done by professional artists, some by people who have picked up a chisel for the first time in their lives. Its amazing to see the un - or semi-carved blocks of wood waiting next to the colorful drawing of what the finished product will look like. The hippocampus is my favorite so far, but the Gryffindor in me can't wait for the griffin and the hippogriff.

Gorgeous zebra and lemur pal

A complete pooch

Having the Reddest Day Ever!

Works in progress

In Grace,

Kell

Fridays at the coffee shop

When I first moved to the new digs and was commuting and "working from home" I would come down to the local downtown coffee shop to take advantage of their wifi and get some work done. It got to be pretty expensive, not to mention fattening, considering that they frown on you just walking in the door and not buying something.

I came for quite a while though because the latte boy behind the counter is adorable, (I still don't know his name) and it gave me the opportunity to practice what Mama Gena calls "bitte chat" or basically flirting.

A few months ago, however, we purchased a wifi router for our house and I've been contentedly working at home in my own emf producing work cloud. As part of my Fall back to a regular pleasure schedule though, I think I'm going to make Fridays at the coffee shop a regular thing. I need to keep practicing my flirting skills and I want to establish a comfy away-from-home place to work on a writing project that's been ruminating in the back of my mind for quite some time.

I'm realizing though that this adorable place with the red walls and brown suede couches is run by some lovely Christian people - who may or may not be related to latte boy. A guy who is here every time I've come in is a pastor at a local church and comes here to work on his sermons. At first notice I thought this would make me uncomfortable, but the truth is its kind of fun to sit here surrounded by all the traditional morality and feel juicy on the inside. I wonder what they would think if they knew what kind of stories I'm sitting here writing in my little red journal......I think I'm getting turned on by the mere thought of it.

Well, I need to get to that little red journal - I mainly wanted to post a list of some of the yummy things I'm going to be pouring into my pleasure schedule over the next few days/weeks/months/years. It's been helpful to actually write all the fun things down in one place and then pick and choose whatever calls to me when I'm scheduling.

Here goes:

Massages - more than once a year
Regular Hair Cuts - I found a hair Deva here, I just forget to visit her until I'm desperate
Portland Rose Garden - gotta do this before the blooms are gone for the season
Portland Museum of Art - can't believe I've been here almost 10 months and haven't done this yet
Portland Japanese Garden
Portland Chinese Garden - been here once with the fam - need to go back, have tea and stay awhile
My coffee shop - check! At least once a week
The Tea Shop - adorable tea and scones place in downtown - haven't been there yet
Movies - why do we go to the movies with other people anyway? It's not like you sit there and talk
More art/craft shows/fairs - loved Cracked Pots - must find more
Flower festivals - in the spring I spose - went to Tulips, but missed irises, daffodils, rhodies and azaleas, lavendar, dahlias and probably more blossoms that warrant their own festivals around the area
Working in the garden - I have some huge projects going on that always get put on the back burner
Scrapbooking - when we moved on I was in the middle of 2007. Haven't gotten any further in 9 months
Art projects for friends and myself - I am truly in my element when I am "arting around"
Water coloring - I am truly bad at this but love to practice
My special writing project - only one other human being knows about and I'm not ready to share yet - but its juicy!
The beach - Its a crime to live a smidge more than an hour from the beach and not go there regularly
Farmers Markets - almost out of season for this too - I think there's one nearby this afternoon....
Dancing - I have plans for this.....at home and in the classroom.....
Exercising - this may not always seem like a "pleasure" but it makes me feel look and act more beautiful
Listening to uplifting podcasts - I have quite a collection of podcasts by inspirational women - I always seem to pick the right one at the right time, but honestly I could listen to 10 a day for a month and not get through my stash.
Seasonal rituals - these are fun, you can make them however witchy woo woo you want, or simply note the date on the calendar, but it feels good to mark the seasons, new and full moons, etc. I particularly like the Celtic holidays too which mark the transitions from season to season
Hikes/walks - my family is not very outdoorsy - gotta do this on my own
Singing - my boys are rock band geeks - they love it when I sing with them and have to say I love it too but tend to not do it because it feels stupid.
Practicing guitar - I use to do this - I could play "Red River Valley" "You Are My Sunshine" and "Starfish and Coffee" - my 13 year old offered to give me some lessons and I think I'll take him up on it.
Painting walls - my house is still mostly white on the inside with ugly brown wood cupboards and cabinets - totally unacceptable
Finding friends - joinging GirlfriendCircle.com today and also just heard from someone in a new LifeMakeOver group!
Reading - my to-read shelf is overflowing....
Typing up all those quotes! Hah! I have a stack of old daily calendar pages from my planner that I refuse to throw away because they have these great inspirational quotes on them.
Flowers every week - bought some on Wednesday - maybe Wednesdays will be flower day like Fridays are coffee day....

Make your own Pleasure list - and use it! It's your personal power tool to having the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Catching Up

Summer is over.....well, technically not until the 23rd, but the kids are both back in school which always gives the end of summer a sense of finality. Anyone who knows me knows I love the fall, so I don't watch the passing of summer with too much sadness or regret. Fall always feels like a time to come alive, start over, begin again. But, before I do that I feel a need to put a lid on the last couple of weeks and then set my intentions (today is a new moon - good time to do that) for the coming season.

When our friend Sara said goodbye after her week long stay (her vacation, our stay-cation) the theme we ended on is that there are so many fun things to do and its not only ridiculous, its unhealthy to wait until you have a guest or a week off work and then try to cram them all in at once. We did so many great local things that are available to me year round and its my job to use the resources I have to provide as much pleasure as possible every single day.

On August 29th I said goodbye to my beloved cat Spanky. This was my rotund gray and white fuzzy friend with the beautiful soft green eyes who had been with me for just over 15 years. It was time. As he aged I kept praying that when it was time for him to out-carnate that it would be easy. I don't know if I prayed this more for him or for me. A couple of months ago it seemed like the years just caught up with him in one fell swoop. He started losing weight, wheezing, having a hard time peeing and just generally not feeling good. His brilliant eyes started to dull and he would beg me to sit with him, pet him, hold him all the time. About a week before, I looked into his eyes and told him it was ok to go when he needed to. That we were both part of god and that though we couldn't comprehend this now, at some point we would and that as such, we would always be part of each other as well. Three days later I reneged a little, asking him if he could please do it when it was convenient for me. He complied. It was a late summer Sunday afternoon. He had spent the night under the raspberry canes - when I went to check on him, he was in the exact spot I'd left him the night before. His eyes were open and glazed over, his body was stiff, but his fur was still so soft and cuddly. I never in my whole life thought I would pick up a dead cat in my arms but I did - I held him and cried and told him how much I love him. We buried him right there in that spot. As we dug the hole, we had to excavate several large rocks which served as a monument of sorts after we had buried his body.

Spanky's passing seemed like a time marker for me. Like he was the last remaining vestige of the old me. (I don't count my husband and kids since they are growing changes humans as well.) He was my baby when I was so young, so naive, and so unsure of myself. He witnessed my evolution over the years, journeyed with me as I experimented with meditation, calling on a Mother goddess, and finding the power in pleasure.

I dreamed him a couple of nights later. He was his old self - fat, furry and purring contentedly in the arms of my new Love - Hades. They had finished their journey together and just as our eyes met, he sprang from the arms of the death warrior and landed on the grass - young, lithe and vibrant. He looked back at me one last time and said (did he really say it, or did I hear it in my head?) "No regrets." And in my dream I understood that it wasn't a statement of goodbye, it was a charge he was giving me. To live without regrets. As if he had witnessed me getting this far and now it was up to me to continue the journey.

So today on this "first" day of fall, when the kids are back in school and all is quiet, I am taking advantage of the new moon opportunity to reorganize as I take up the quest again. To valiantly, vigilantly, consistently pour as much pleasure into every day as possible. I've re-read and finished "Mama Gena's School of  Womanly Arts" again and understand anew how much responsibility and dedication must go into living life to the fullest. Its not something you can just say once. You have to re-purpose it again and again so that you don't get swallowed up in the ordinary.

I hope to return this blog to its original purpose which was to keep me accountable to anyone who'll listen about how I am doing this. Living pleasurably is my job and this is my report system. For those times when I want to wax long and philosophical, I'll turn to my website - which is live but not really ready yet - www.gracefuldeva.com - there will be a sign up for "newsletter" (that concept makes me laugh) where I'll let myself get a little longer winded.

The big yellow school bus just pulled up. Quiet time is over.....

Having the best day (and fall) ever!

In Grace,

Kell