Did you see the lunar eclipse last night? I did for about 15.5 seconds. It was actually kind of magical. We got back late from a holiday party - my mom called and said I was missing it and needed to go outside RIGHT NOW. Bailey and I ran outside - no jackets or shoes - into the middle of the street and looked up. It was solid gray skies - no stars, not a hint of moonlight. It wasn't going to happen for another 342 years and we were missing it. Oh well, I thought, its still happening, whether I can see it or not. I can still let go of what I no longer need and embrace a new light. Its not like the eclipse itself makes it happen, its my intention and reaction to the symbolism of it.
Suddenly the clouds moved. The sky shifted and wisps of gray clouds parted just enough in just the right spot. It looked like an ordinary half moon - no strange coloration or dimness - just a plain old white half moon. Except that we knew the moon was full. That this was no ordinary sight.
There wasn't time to run for the camera or let anyone else know. It lasted for barely more than a moment before the clouds shifted again and this once in a lifetime sight was obscured. I felt blessed. Truly honored.
The winter solstice might be my very favorite day of the year. Not because of any symbolism or ritual attached to it, but because every day hereafter for the next 6 months is a little lighter, longer, lovelier.
The ever eloquent Caitlin Matthews greets it like this:
"Brightener of the Darkness, hail!
Keeper of the Clearness, Opener of the Depths,
Gifts of plenty are arising,
Winter wonders, white snows' fall.
Joyful be the heart within us,
Open wide the guesting door,
Wisdom waken in abundance,
Warm our beings to the core."
Turn on the tea kettle, stoke the fire, huddle in and get quiet - winter is here. But, Hades' arms hold us a few seconds less every day and Spring is coming. How will you get ready to Shine?
Have the Reddest Winter ever!
In Grace,
Kell
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Giving Thanks....Finally
I haven't written in a while. Its in part due to the busyness of the holidays and in part due to the bzillion thoughts and realizations tumbling through my head - too many to write down at once.
I had a bad feeling at Thanksgiving. When I tried to explain this to people it usually came out sounding like I resented having to do all the work involved or pay for the cost of the holidays in lieu of other things. But, that wasn't really it.
I think I was feeling displaced.
When I was shopping at the grocery store for the Thanksgiving meal, it did occur to me how commercialized and materialistic even Thanksgiving has become. There didn't seem to be a lot of joy, let alone gratitude, in the whole undertaking. Now, I don't mean to bitch here. I had some great moments cooking with my kids, and the meal itself - sitting down with friends and family - that part was great. But, my husband summed up what I was feeling later that evening. My kids commented that although I read a Celtic blessing before we all dished up and sat down, that I had forgotten our tradition of holding hands, going around the table and each person saying something they are thankful for. My ever hilarious husband piped up, "I'm thankful that we didn't have to say what we're thankful for!"
I threw myself into Christmas wholeheartedly, thoroughly enjoying the decorating and the beauty of the Christmas tree and the lights and everything else. But, a few days ago some friends on Facebook commented about how people focus only on presents and greed and commercialism - and another friend responded that she loved the opportunity to give and celebrate just the joy of having people to love and give gifts to. It was in reading that "conversation" that I understood my angst.
I was indeed feeling the lack of meaning in the spoon fed commercialism that has become the tradition behind the holidays in our culture. But, at the same time I was feeling a pulling away from what has also been traditionally referred to as the "true meaning" behind them. The pilgrims did not wear top hats with big buckles and big white collars. They didn't eat turkeys, they ate sea bass. Jesus of Nazareth was not born on the 25th of December and there is nothing more pagan than an evergreen tree all lit up with ornaments and candles. While I was craving meaning, I was also resisting being told what that meaning should be.
I have in my every day life gotten far away from religion, from churchy-ness, from letting someone else tell me what God wants. But, at this time of year it comes flying back in the door with a vengeance.
So what is the answer? What is the meaning? Well, as Mr. Miyagi or Yoda, or Rumi, or any of the great and not so great new-age, self-help teachers of today would say - the answer lies within your own heart. Its whatever makes you happy. As Mama Gena would say, it means sucking as much pleasure out of the whole thing as you possibly can. It means letting go of all traditions, all expectations, keeping the things you like and ecstatically chucking the rest. It means being okay with someone else celebrating their religious rituals and knowing that I don't have to.
So for the rest of the holiday season - just a few more days really - I'm going to celebrate what most people would consider the secular side of things. I'm going to buy people presents and wrap them beautifully. I'm going to be grateful for the excessive number of sno-men and snow globes in my home. I'm going to not make cookies and candy because it would make me feel gross. I'm not going to darken the doorway of a religious service. I'm going to thank Goddess that Jesus was born on whatever date he came into being and that his message was of unconditional love, grace and the awesome powerfulness of being human. I'm going to love love love everyone whose presence I am honored with. I'm going to give until it hurts; I'm going to receive until its embarrassing. I'm going to sing Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs - religious and secular ones alike - because they remind me of the magic and mystery I felt as a child. I'm going to do all of this intentionally and consciously.
As the loving Universe we live in often does, it confirmed my conclusions this morning in a funny way. You know how everyone talks about those Facebook "friends" we've never met and don't really know like they're a bad thing? Today I'm incredibly thankful for one such friend. Paul Kennedy and I have never met, we simply have a few "likes" in common. But today he said this: "
I had a bad feeling at Thanksgiving. When I tried to explain this to people it usually came out sounding like I resented having to do all the work involved or pay for the cost of the holidays in lieu of other things. But, that wasn't really it.
I think I was feeling displaced.
When I was shopping at the grocery store for the Thanksgiving meal, it did occur to me how commercialized and materialistic even Thanksgiving has become. There didn't seem to be a lot of joy, let alone gratitude, in the whole undertaking. Now, I don't mean to bitch here. I had some great moments cooking with my kids, and the meal itself - sitting down with friends and family - that part was great. But, my husband summed up what I was feeling later that evening. My kids commented that although I read a Celtic blessing before we all dished up and sat down, that I had forgotten our tradition of holding hands, going around the table and each person saying something they are thankful for. My ever hilarious husband piped up, "I'm thankful that we didn't have to say what we're thankful for!"
I threw myself into Christmas wholeheartedly, thoroughly enjoying the decorating and the beauty of the Christmas tree and the lights and everything else. But, a few days ago some friends on Facebook commented about how people focus only on presents and greed and commercialism - and another friend responded that she loved the opportunity to give and celebrate just the joy of having people to love and give gifts to. It was in reading that "conversation" that I understood my angst.
I was indeed feeling the lack of meaning in the spoon fed commercialism that has become the tradition behind the holidays in our culture. But, at the same time I was feeling a pulling away from what has also been traditionally referred to as the "true meaning" behind them. The pilgrims did not wear top hats with big buckles and big white collars. They didn't eat turkeys, they ate sea bass. Jesus of Nazareth was not born on the 25th of December and there is nothing more pagan than an evergreen tree all lit up with ornaments and candles. While I was craving meaning, I was also resisting being told what that meaning should be.
I have in my every day life gotten far away from religion, from churchy-ness, from letting someone else tell me what God wants. But, at this time of year it comes flying back in the door with a vengeance.
So what is the answer? What is the meaning? Well, as Mr. Miyagi or Yoda, or Rumi, or any of the great and not so great new-age, self-help teachers of today would say - the answer lies within your own heart. Its whatever makes you happy. As Mama Gena would say, it means sucking as much pleasure out of the whole thing as you possibly can. It means letting go of all traditions, all expectations, keeping the things you like and ecstatically chucking the rest. It means being okay with someone else celebrating their religious rituals and knowing that I don't have to.
So for the rest of the holiday season - just a few more days really - I'm going to celebrate what most people would consider the secular side of things. I'm going to buy people presents and wrap them beautifully. I'm going to be grateful for the excessive number of sno-men and snow globes in my home. I'm going to not make cookies and candy because it would make me feel gross. I'm not going to darken the doorway of a religious service. I'm going to thank Goddess that Jesus was born on whatever date he came into being and that his message was of unconditional love, grace and the awesome powerfulness of being human. I'm going to love love love everyone whose presence I am honored with. I'm going to give until it hurts; I'm going to receive until its embarrassing. I'm going to sing Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs - religious and secular ones alike - because they remind me of the magic and mystery I felt as a child. I'm going to do all of this intentionally and consciously.
As the loving Universe we live in often does, it confirmed my conclusions this morning in a funny way. You know how everyone talks about those Facebook "friends" we've never met and don't really know like they're a bad thing? Today I'm incredibly thankful for one such friend. Paul Kennedy and I have never met, we simply have a few "likes" in common. But today he said this: "
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Duck!
From Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe - today's note
There are only miracles, Kelly, and to one degree or another they all soothe, pamper, and enrich. However, to avoid blowing too many minds at once, some are disguised as unpleasant surprises, botched circumstances, and twisted acquaintances that can rarely be seen for who or what they truly are until the pendulum has fully swung.
Yes... don't I think of everything?
Duck!
The Universe
So if something still hurts, baffles, or confuses, Kelly, it only means a miracle has occurred, the pendulum is mid-swing, and that soon you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
There are only miracles, Kelly, and to one degree or another they all soothe, pamper, and enrich. However, to avoid blowing too many minds at once, some are disguised as unpleasant surprises, botched circumstances, and twisted acquaintances that can rarely be seen for who or what they truly are until the pendulum has fully swung.
Yes... don't I think of everything?
Duck!
The Universe
So if something still hurts, baffles, or confuses, Kelly, it only means a miracle has occurred, the pendulum is mid-swing, and that soon you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
Friday, November 19, 2010
One year - aversary.
One year ago today we woke up on the hard floor in our empty house then watched as the moving guys unloaded our entire life from the van. It's fun to have a point of reference like that to look back over the past year and appreciate how good its been, how far we've come.
I remember a couple of days before we moved in I was able to get into the house and walk thru it by myself. I stood in the empty living and promised the house, my Self, the Universe that this huge change, this upheaval in our lives would be worth it. I swore that in this house I would become the Graceful Deva, whoever she turned out to be.
Its so cool that on this day when my family is acknowledging, if not really celebrating, our having been here for a full year, that the "first seventh" Harry Potter movie opens. We're going tonight as a family. I'm the uber Harry geek, but the whole family has joined me on the fringes of my geekdom. I love that there's something this fun to do on this particular night.
We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house next week and today I started going through some boxes of Christmas decorations to start putting the house in the holiday mood. We didn't "do" Christmas last year because we had just moved in and there were boxes everywhere. It seemed significant today that I opened the boxes of my merry snowmen collection and said hello to those old friends I hadn't seen since 2008. I can still remember where I got each and every one of them.
I've done well on my first week of the Photo365 project. The photos are all on the GracefulDeva.com Gallery of Grace if you want to check in on my progress.
This has truly been the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
I remember a couple of days before we moved in I was able to get into the house and walk thru it by myself. I stood in the empty living and promised the house, my Self, the Universe that this huge change, this upheaval in our lives would be worth it. I swore that in this house I would become the Graceful Deva, whoever she turned out to be.
Its so cool that on this day when my family is acknowledging, if not really celebrating, our having been here for a full year, that the "first seventh" Harry Potter movie opens. We're going tonight as a family. I'm the uber Harry geek, but the whole family has joined me on the fringes of my geekdom. I love that there's something this fun to do on this particular night.
We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house next week and today I started going through some boxes of Christmas decorations to start putting the house in the holiday mood. We didn't "do" Christmas last year because we had just moved in and there were boxes everywhere. It seemed significant today that I opened the boxes of my merry snowmen collection and said hello to those old friends I hadn't seen since 2008. I can still remember where I got each and every one of them.
I've done well on my first week of the Photo365 project. The photos are all on the GracefulDeva.com Gallery of Grace if you want to check in on my progress.
This has truly been the Reddest Day Ever!
In Grace,
Kell
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Photo 365 project....
I already put this on Facebook, but thought I'd blog it too. Deva Sara introduced me to this fun photography project. It's called 365 Project and you take one photo every single day for a year to document your journey over that period of time. The picture can be of anything: people, nature, places, your Self, cloud formations, pets, bugs on a sidewalk....anything that jumps out at you as noteworthy.
This obviously requires you talking a camera or other picture taking device with you everywhere, every second of the day. It's entirely possible that I won't make it past 2 weeks of this commitment, but I hope I do. How many times do you look back over the weeks, months, year and not remember anything really significant. I think Life happens in the small moments and I want to remember some of mine from now on.
I've made a special photo gallery on my Website and I'll put up notices on FB and here from time to time.
Here's another great article about the project that helped me decide to take the plunge.
Doing my best to remember all the Red moments!
In Grace,
Kell
This obviously requires you talking a camera or other picture taking device with you everywhere, every second of the day. It's entirely possible that I won't make it past 2 weeks of this commitment, but I hope I do. How many times do you look back over the weeks, months, year and not remember anything really significant. I think Life happens in the small moments and I want to remember some of mine from now on.
I've made a special photo gallery on my Website and I'll put up notices on FB and here from time to time.
Here's another great article about the project that helped me decide to take the plunge.
Doing my best to remember all the Red moments!
In Grace,
Kell
Monday, November 8, 2010
Waxing Moon
Oh Thank Goddess the moon is waxing. I know I sound like a woo woo nutjob but I've been mired in the depths of a icky sticky slogging through mud the last couple of weeks where I couldn't get motivated to do much, but then felt guilty and depressed for not doing it. All the while I was perfectly aware of the fact that the moon in the sky was waning - going dark, disappearing - and that my own personal moon cycle was doing the same thing.
Our culture would normally just call this PMS and tell me take a Midol - or maybe to regulate it completely with some Lexipro (this was my anti-depressant of choice a few years ago). But I've come to believe PMS exists because women have been conditioned to ignore the calling of their souls to come further up and further in when the moon goes dark. Its like our own personal monthly winter, the chance to go within, listen to the wind whisper in the bare branches of our deep recesses and ask our Self what she really needs. Who the heck has time to do that?
Well, even though I know better - even when I felt day 15 surround me like a gray cloud and give substance to my doubts I didn't do the things I know will make the clouds lift. Walk, dance, paint, write, listen to the silence, do EFT tapping like its water in the desert, and for Goddess sake don't eat any sugar!
Its funny how I can almost stand back and watch myself flounder and completely know what's going on and not have the fortitude to do anything about it.
This smoggy grayness is nothing compared to the dark clouds that use to strangle me a few years ago and for that I'm grateful. Back then I wasn't even aware of my own moon cycle, let alone the one going on in the solar system. I thought I bordered on bipolar and didn't understand that it was my own soul screaming at me to stop ignoring her.
This was not really a depression, more a stuckness, a tiredness, a sense that everything is on hold.
Days 28 and 29 come and go then Day 1 dawns shiny slimy and Red and, completely at odds with my culture, I'm so relieved, so grateful. Because the magic Red flow brings the sunshine back, the clouds lift and I can see my way clear. That happened last week, just before the real new moon and this week, when the moon is waxing everything is wonderful. I'm flying. Things are getting done. Everything is bright and hopeful and beautiful. And I'm racing for the sheer joy of it to do as much as possible before the next day 15 hits me up the side of the head. Hopefully I won't flounder in this one. Maybe this time I'll remember to walk and dance and sing and paint and write. Maybe I'll take 15 minutes to sit with my Self in the silence and let her tell me what she really needs.
But, whether I handle it well or not, isn't it wonderful that I'll get another chance to try again the next month....and the next....and the next. BTW sweet hearts, this cycle is not a curse, its a blessing, a tool for listening to the goddess within. It is what makes us women, powerful, full circle creators. So, whatever day it is for you, take 3 minutes, go into the silence and ask your Self what it is she really wants you to know.
Its All Red - make it Redder!
In Grace,
Kell
Our culture would normally just call this PMS and tell me take a Midol - or maybe to regulate it completely with some Lexipro (this was my anti-depressant of choice a few years ago). But I've come to believe PMS exists because women have been conditioned to ignore the calling of their souls to come further up and further in when the moon goes dark. Its like our own personal monthly winter, the chance to go within, listen to the wind whisper in the bare branches of our deep recesses and ask our Self what she really needs. Who the heck has time to do that?
Well, even though I know better - even when I felt day 15 surround me like a gray cloud and give substance to my doubts I didn't do the things I know will make the clouds lift. Walk, dance, paint, write, listen to the silence, do EFT tapping like its water in the desert, and for Goddess sake don't eat any sugar!
Its funny how I can almost stand back and watch myself flounder and completely know what's going on and not have the fortitude to do anything about it.
This smoggy grayness is nothing compared to the dark clouds that use to strangle me a few years ago and for that I'm grateful. Back then I wasn't even aware of my own moon cycle, let alone the one going on in the solar system. I thought I bordered on bipolar and didn't understand that it was my own soul screaming at me to stop ignoring her.
This was not really a depression, more a stuckness, a tiredness, a sense that everything is on hold.
Days 28 and 29 come and go then Day 1 dawns shiny slimy and Red and, completely at odds with my culture, I'm so relieved, so grateful. Because the magic Red flow brings the sunshine back, the clouds lift and I can see my way clear. That happened last week, just before the real new moon and this week, when the moon is waxing everything is wonderful. I'm flying. Things are getting done. Everything is bright and hopeful and beautiful. And I'm racing for the sheer joy of it to do as much as possible before the next day 15 hits me up the side of the head. Hopefully I won't flounder in this one. Maybe this time I'll remember to walk and dance and sing and paint and write. Maybe I'll take 15 minutes to sit with my Self in the silence and let her tell me what she really needs.
But, whether I handle it well or not, isn't it wonderful that I'll get another chance to try again the next month....and the next....and the next. BTW sweet hearts, this cycle is not a curse, its a blessing, a tool for listening to the goddess within. It is what makes us women, powerful, full circle creators. So, whatever day it is for you, take 3 minutes, go into the silence and ask your Self what it is she really wants you to know.
Its All Red - make it Redder!
In Grace,
Kell
Monday, November 1, 2010
Happy New Year
On the Celtic calendar, last night was Samhain. We celebrated the end of the harvest - anything left in the fields was left to feed the earth in that whole circle of life thing. We honored the past and the dead and the ancestors and we set our intentions and our dreams for the coming year so that they can germinate through the winter and come to fruition in the spring.
Mostly I enjoyed the day with my kids, getting the final touches to Bay's Mariachi band costume, getting Gav into his ninja costume, the pants of which were 3 sizes to big and had to be tied up with string. I wandered our neighborhood with Gavin while Bay partied with his friends in this new place which no longer feels new but in which we had never experienced this particular holiday.
Gavin voluntarily called it quits early due to a nasty head cold - he's home from school today. Bailey came home late with a terrible stomach ache from eating enough candy to keep an army of the undead on a sugar high for weeks. He too is home from school - he's not actually "sick", but you can't send a kid to school barfing.
In honor of the new year, I thought I'd put the old one to bed with a few pictures from the Pleasure Chronicles of the past few weeks and set some happy thoughts into motion for the coming weeks.
Here are some of us at the amazing Bauman Farms Harvest Fest - one week into my Dad's retirement and his first playdate with his grandkids on a no-school day.
There's me on the swing zip line, my parents on the climbing wall, and a shot of the amazing obstacle course which occupied us all for an hour or more. More pictures from this amazing day are on the Gallery of Grace at www.gracefuldeva.com
Here's my kids at a taping of Friday Night Smackdown at the Portland Rose Garden. I went with them last year, but this time I gave my seat to one of Gav's good friends Nick who is an avid WWE fan.
Here's a couple of roses from the Portland International Rose Test Garden. I went a while back with Deva Kate. I had, of course, been meaning to go all summer and never made it. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many blooms there still were in mid-October. It'll be fun to visit again in the spring and summer.
Last Friday Bay's school held a giant Harvest Fest carnival. Here's a shot of Leadership Bailey giving candy to a little girl after she played his mini golf game. Green haired Gavin is eating a donut on a string.
I'm looking forward to finishing up the soccer season, regular every other Mondays with my LifeMakeOver group and meeting more new friends through GirlfriendsCircle.com. We're hosting Thanksgiving this year and staying home for Christmas so it'll be a busy busy few weeks. I'm getting art ready to show at Our Sister's Attic which will open soon! I better set an intention to stay focused, calm and keep my most important power tools of self-care and pleasure sharp and ready to use.
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." - Alfred D. Souza
It's all Red!
In Grace,
Kell
 |
| Ninja Gavin |
Gavin voluntarily called it quits early due to a nasty head cold - he's home from school today. Bailey came home late with a terrible stomach ache from eating enough candy to keep an army of the undead on a sugar high for weeks. He too is home from school - he's not actually "sick", but you can't send a kid to school barfing.
 |
Here are some of us at the amazing Bauman Farms Harvest Fest - one week into my Dad's retirement and his first playdate with his grandkids on a no-school day.
 |
 |
 |
Here's my kids at a taping of Friday Night Smackdown at the Portland Rose Garden. I went with them last year, but this time I gave my seat to one of Gav's good friends Nick who is an avid WWE fan.
Here's a couple of roses from the Portland International Rose Test Garden. I went a while back with Deva Kate. I had, of course, been meaning to go all summer and never made it. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many blooms there still were in mid-October. It'll be fun to visit again in the spring and summer.
Last Friday Bay's school held a giant Harvest Fest carnival. Here's a shot of Leadership Bailey giving candy to a little girl after she played his mini golf game. Green haired Gavin is eating a donut on a string.I'm looking forward to finishing up the soccer season, regular every other Mondays with my LifeMakeOver group and meeting more new friends through GirlfriendsCircle.com. We're hosting Thanksgiving this year and staying home for Christmas so it'll be a busy busy few weeks. I'm getting art ready to show at Our Sister's Attic which will open soon! I better set an intention to stay focused, calm and keep my most important power tools of self-care and pleasure sharp and ready to use.
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." - Alfred D. Souza
It's all Red!
In Grace,
Kell
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