Oh Thank Goddess the moon is waxing. I know I sound like a woo woo nutjob but I've been mired in the depths of a icky sticky slogging through mud the last couple of weeks where I couldn't get motivated to do much, but then felt guilty and depressed for not doing it. All the while I was perfectly aware of the fact that the moon in the sky was waning - going dark, disappearing - and that my own personal moon cycle was doing the same thing.
Our culture would normally just call this PMS and tell me take a Midol - or maybe to regulate it completely with some Lexipro (this was my anti-depressant of choice a few years ago). But I've come to believe PMS exists because women have been conditioned to ignore the calling of their souls to come further up and further in when the moon goes dark. Its like our own personal monthly winter, the chance to go within, listen to the wind whisper in the bare branches of our deep recesses and ask our Self what she really needs. Who the heck has time to do that?
Well, even though I know better - even when I felt day 15 surround me like a gray cloud and give substance to my doubts I didn't do the things I know will make the clouds lift. Walk, dance, paint, write, listen to the silence, do EFT tapping like its water in the desert, and for Goddess sake don't eat any sugar!
Its funny how I can almost stand back and watch myself flounder and completely know what's going on and not have the fortitude to do anything about it.
This smoggy grayness is nothing compared to the dark clouds that use to strangle me a few years ago and for that I'm grateful. Back then I wasn't even aware of my own moon cycle, let alone the one going on in the solar system. I thought I bordered on bipolar and didn't understand that it was my own soul screaming at me to stop ignoring her.
This was not really a depression, more a stuckness, a tiredness, a sense that everything is on hold.
Days 28 and 29 come and go then Day 1 dawns shiny slimy and Red and, completely at odds with my culture, I'm so relieved, so grateful. Because the magic Red flow brings the sunshine back, the clouds lift and I can see my way clear. That happened last week, just before the real new moon and this week, when the moon is waxing everything is wonderful. I'm flying. Things are getting done. Everything is bright and hopeful and beautiful. And I'm racing for the sheer joy of it to do as much as possible before the next day 15 hits me up the side of the head. Hopefully I won't flounder in this one. Maybe this time I'll remember to walk and dance and sing and paint and write. Maybe I'll take 15 minutes to sit with my Self in the silence and let her tell me what she really needs.
But, whether I handle it well or not, isn't it wonderful that I'll get another chance to try again the next month....and the next....and the next. BTW sweet hearts, this cycle is not a curse, its a blessing, a tool for listening to the goddess within. It is what makes us women, powerful, full circle creators. So, whatever day it is for you, take 3 minutes, go into the silence and ask your Self what it is she really wants you to know.
Its All Red - make it Redder!
In Grace,
Kell
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