I love that the universe throws a reminder back in my face when I start to slip into old habits. I wish that I would listen more carefully so that the reminder doesn't have to come with hurt feelings in order to get my attention.
This morning my husband and I were joking around about how the other needed to "get a hobby." This was mainly an acknowledgment that we have very different interests and what each of us considers fun doesn't necessarily qualify as a real hobby to the other. But the laughing turned to resentment pretty quickly when he commented that at least he actively pursues his hobbies on a regular basis while I go weeks without turning to mine. Indeed, on closer review it would be me who appears to have no hobbies most of the time.
I got angry at the implication that I do this by choice. Couldn't he see that I don't participate in my passions regularly because I'm making sure everyone else gets to participate in theirs? That I'm the go-to person who is expected to drop what I'm doing to meet everyone else' needs? I let him have it; he really got an earful.
But as soon as he walked out the door I realized with a rush of gratitude that SHE had just used my left-brained, vastly un-woo woo husband to deliver a not so gentle reminder that I was letting the most important things slide. I haven't scheduled and followed through on a Deva adventure for a couple of weeks. I also haven't worked on my Vision book or picked up a paint brush for a long time. The flowers on my dining room table are two weeks old and completely dried up and dead.
And once again, it is not anyone else' fault that I help maintain a family culture, which I helped to build in the first place, that does not support my needs and wants as a human being and a woman. So, I'm refocusing. I'm taking a moment to check my gut and feel what I need for me. Pleasure is power tool and I haven't opened my tool box in too long.
I'll let you know what I come up with and how I follow through.
BTW, before he walked out the door, my guy smiled sheepishly and said, "I like being with you, does that count as a hobby?" Everybody say "AAhhhh....."
Have the Reddest Day Ever,
In Grace,
Kell
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