Noticing how far we've come...

The Life Makeover action of the week is to review the past 6 months or so and take note of all your growth and accomplishments. I don't know why its hard to do this. I think I'm so geared to push ever onward ("Further up, Further in!) and it feels inefficient to pause and look backwards. Mostly it feels like I don't deserve it yet. Like I don't have enough tangible results to warrant the kudos.

Although, just last night Jay and I made some reference to our lives back in Corvallis just before me moved and we both had this moment of, Wow - we're not even the same people we were then and that was only 18 months ago! I guess its just harder to quantify and list internal change and put it down on paper.

One thing this exercise did get me to do was review and read all of my past blogs. Every single one of them! In the first place, I can't believe I missed my one year anniversary of being a blogger and made no mention of it. Second, I noticed that from time to time along the way, some of you actually commented and in my lack of blogger knowledge, I failed to ever notice, let alone respond. Thank you to those that commented. I appreciate your words a little late but they nonetheless thrill my soul.

When I posted my very first blog entry back in February of 2010 I remember having such trepidation, yet feeling so courageous to actually begin a course of action that would hold me accountable to living life fully.

Do you have time to wander down memory lane with me? Here's a list of my faves from the past year and two months:

Silver chandeliers, red patent leather, and green mason jars

So, why all the Red?

Cracked Pots  (There is even more joy connected to this post now!)

On the edge....

Walk into the light!

Shinin' the Light

Riding the Wild Donkey

A Million Right Nows

What a blast it's been! Thanks for being a part of my Red journey.

In Grace,

Kell

Red Hot and Holy Love

I've been hanging onto this blogpost/newsletter from Sera Beak and the Redvolution since Valentine's Day. I love the way she writes - I found The Red Book long after I fell in love with Red and all things goddessy, but I've always said that she wrote the manifesto I didn't know how to write.

This is verbatim from her Valentine's Day post but I think it bears repeating any time of year.....

Happy Red Hot and Holy Love Day!
Red is much more than a color.

It's a pulse. An energy. A truth.

It's a forgotten Language

(of Love)

a forbidden Movement

(in Love)

an extremely detailed Divine Dare

(to Love)

even more... even more...even more. Yep, even more.

Red is a taste (of Red wine). A feel (of fire). A smell (of roses).

Red is a tawdry Touch (of freedom )

Everywhere

Red is your life force, your She force, demanding embodiment and a Red cape. Red is medicinal (cherry flavored) - fulfilling your soul's unique prescription. Red is an attitude (badass) and a force of nature (volcano) begging to be reckoned with.

Remember

Red are the creations you make when you stop seeking external approval or acceptance, sales or more FaceBook friends (update your soul's status instead, yo!)

Red raises your spiritual temperature and expands your cosmic current.

Red turns you inside out (Boo!)

(scaring the neighbors, setting off fire alarms, inspiring galaxies) 

But most of all, Red is an incredibly cheesy (obviously) yet ecstatically explosive Valentine the Universe delivers to your holy heart

every

time

it

beats.

(Ka BOOM!!!)

(Ka BOOM!!!)

(Ka BOOM!!!)

Pretty cool, huh?

In Grace,

Kell

All's Well That Is.....

You know that saying "All's well that ends well?" I think it's best to live with the assumption that it's going to end well. I mean, its happening - and how do I know how it's going to end? It may not end for years and years and if I'm being here in it living as if it's going to end badly - that's a long time to be miserable. Even if it ends tomorrow and it ends "badly" why not put off feeling shitty about it until the situation actually warrants it? But even then, if it ends badly and I feel shitty about it - I'm still learning, growing and evolving and I control how I turn out as a result of the bad ending. So, since "it" is never over until I am, its safe to assume that All is Well. Always. Just a different shade of Red.

Anyway - I'm officially in gearing up mode for Cracked Pots! My first ever show and sale is in July! And the lovely thing is that this is not your grandma's crafts bazaar, this is an ART show. Which means the ART SHOW committee looked at my stuff and decreed for the entire world to witness that my stuff is ART! There are giggles happening here - can you feel them?

OOooohhh! Have you checked out "Women, Food & God" by Geneen Roth? Good stuff here about feeling what you're avoiding feeling and how it doesn't kill you after all. Not really a "how to" book, more like a "notice how this happens" book. Very interesting even if your crutch isn't food related. (Although mine historically has been!)

Mama Gena says everyone needs a theme song in order power through the conjuring of desires. This week I  stumbled upon mine and am excited to share them! I can't figure out how to link an audio file here on the blog, but if you check out this link to the GracefulDeva site, there will be audio players for Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers' "State of the Art" and The Weepies' "Sunny Days."

Speaking of music, today I was working in the studio accompanied by Bailey playing Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive"on the unplugged electric guitar. It was one of those moments you know you're going to remember forever.

The Journey is the Goal - (I'm working on that sign right now!) make it beautiful and have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,


Kell

Brrr...everything's cold!

I'm pretty sure I had brilliant things to say but the last 2 1/2 hours sitting on the frozen tundra of the baseball sidelines made my fingers and my brain numb. There is not enough hot tea in the whole world.

Big Little Bear had a tremendous game for the first preseason game of the year so it was worth it. I have to get my mommy van set up for the season with extra chairs, blankets, scarves, gloves, umbrellas, etc.

Today was brilliant. I sat down and wrote a big desire list as relates to artwork. I'd been wanting to do something visually creative, like a vision board, for Graceful Deva art but didn't really know how to do it and couldn't find pictures that expressed my feelings on it.

So, I did a "radiant thinking" wheel, got out the markers and turned it into a  colorful poster. Half the stuff on it wouldn't make sense to anyone but me, but I think I've adequately captured what doing artwork means to me, why I do it, what I want other people to get out of it. I hung it in my workspace so I can remember why I'm doing what I do.

Then, I got hangers on 4 more signs and got three up on the Etsy shop. I'm going to have to redo the lettering on one, the bright green letters just don't show up on the dark pink background.

It was fun to see how many people had been looking at my shop! Someone even "favorited" one of the items, whatever that means. While we were at the baseball game, someone texted J to ask if I take requests! Fun!

Am so tired and there's a hot shower somewhere with my name on it.What a fabulously Red day.

Hope you have one too!

In Grace,

Kell

Practice practice practice....

Woke up this morning feeling Blah. I realize I've come to associate weekends not with that blissful sense of freedom and lack of responsibility but with just the opposite. I woke up with a list full of crap running through my head and no joy at the thought of getting to the bottom of it.

Mama Gena says Pleasure requires choosing fun over obligations and others' expectations - so it occurred to me what an incredible opportunity this is to practice what I so gleefully spout off to others. Once again, I found myself out of practice when it comes to looking for Pleasure everywhere. Why was I miserably content to wallow in the ickiness instead of finding one thing, anything, to change the downward spiral?

Saying, "Choose a different thought" is so much easier than doing it, isn't it? I actually felt this moment of indecision - like the choice to be happy and have a good day versus the choice to be grumpy and resentful was a hard one. I love that sometimes just noticing the train of one's thoughts helps steer it in a different direction.

I decided what I really needed was some endorphins so I got dressed and went to the gym. I felt so good when I got back that I took my dog for a long walk. I've been a slave to the muse of the paintbrushes and sanders ever since - the lovely thing is that paint needs time to dry, so I do the icky things like dishes and laundry and hunting down last seasons soccer jersey in between coats of paint. So, the real thing I'm doing is painting and the other stuff is just what I'm cramming in as an afterthought in my spare time. Amazing how when I make Pleasure and my own self-care the most important thing, it works out best for everyone and everything, huh?

This afternoon is Little Bird's first ever indoor soccer game. Another opportunity to practice pussy power while doing the mom thing. Getting to be a full circle - a mommy, Deva, sexpot all at the same time!

Going to a birthday party tonight. After having my own big birthday bash last week it'll be cool to celebrate someone else's incarnation. Another little piece of God who is separate from me and yet part of the same whole. Isn't life cool like that?

Mark Twain once said something to the effect of - Nobody's life is boring. Inside every person's story there is a comedy and a drama and a tragedy, mostly all going on at the same time.

Have a crazy, sexy, happy Red day!

In Grace,


Kell

Note from the Universe....to me!

Ever notice, Kelly, how those who give their all to just "getting by," usually do?

Yeah.

Then you must wonder, too, why they don't just give their all to rocking the flippin' world?

Costs the same.

Just another one of life's mysteries,
    The Universe




I love Mike Dooley! Go here if you want to sign up for your daily note from the Universe.


Also, fyi, it took less than 12 hours for me to sell an item on Etsy! I'm doing that day job commute thing today and am squirming in my seat because I want to be home painting!

Having a very Red day!

In Grace,

Kell

Graceful Deva's on Etsy!

The difference between a baby step and acting small is that one takes you in the direction of your dreams and the other keeps you in your box.

Don't know if anything will ever come of this, but it's my declaration to the world that I'm an artist and I'm open for business! Three items are live on http://www.etsy.com/people/GracefulDeva  !!!

Whoop Whoop!

Kell

Into the Beautiful

So the Deva's 40th Birthday Party was awesome! A gloriously lovely perfect day. It will be a springboard for many mini parties with the people I didn't get to visit much with on account of there were a million people here.

So here I am on a Monday afternoon - the first one of the next decade - and here is where the rubber now meets the proverbial road. Now is where the real magic must be worked in order to maintain a certain level of shininess every day for the next 40 years. Here's where those not so fun words like discipline, commitment, consistency, and practice must be put into play. But those words are not so bad when you are disciplined to experience Pleasure, committed to putting your Dreams into action, consistently visualizing the Deva you are becoming, and practicing extreme Self-care.

Ha! Here's a life metaphor for you - brilliant sun outside my window and hail dumping on the deck. Gotta love it!

So, today I'm moving forward into the beautiful with both thoughtful planning and wide-eyed bewilderment. The lamp on my foot (don't know the exact Biblical reference here) only lights up one step at a time so each step involves fearless faith, ecstatic expectations, and lusty pleasure.

I've been trying to channel some Athena energy - for craftsmanship, wisdom, and strategy - but it's the lithe, graceful Artemis who keeps coming to mind. She says aim your arrow slightly ahead of where you want to be and your quarry will actually run into it!  Never waver, never take your eyes of the mark and you won't miss it. It's the target that's important, not how you're gonna get there. If the target is something you want so bad you can taste it and feel it and love it NOW, then the way will find you.

UhOh Life interrupts life. Gotta go get the Little Bird from school. It's All Red.

In Grace,

Kell

A Million Right Nows

It's entirely possible that the people in my close-up world are getting tired of it being my birthday, but I'm squeezing every drop out of this juicy fruit. It feels momentous. I know the shine will wear off soon enough and I don't want to forget how I'm feeling these days.

The day itself was one giant smile. I woke up to blue skies, a fabulous gift from Father Sky who seemed to reach right down and hand it to me personally. Mother Earth made the first red tulip in my front yard (from bulbs I bought at the Tulip Festival last year) burst open and laugh - I swear she did - with pure joy.

My husband and I had a hilarious breakfast adventure that we will never forget. We like to "do" breakfast and have started our own mini tradition of trying new places in our still new surroundings that we've never gone to before. For lack of any particular place that we knew of, we opened our metro area Entertainment Book and chose the first coupon that served breakfast all day. Good thing we had a coupon because we probably spent $10 in gas driving there. Clear out in NE Portland, across the St. John's Bridge and into the historic little St. John's district. The place was a hilarious little dive that we would recommend to no one. We walked in the door and knew we were there for the adventure. The food tasted fine, although the omelettes were a little greasy and we were kind of glad we couldn't see the grill they were cooked on. There were a lot of "regulars" there, mostly old timers who put their bills on a tab and looked like they would make most sunday school teachers incredibly uncomfortable. The establishment also housed a "collectibles" shop that was mostly Avon stuff and yucky craft supplies. We wandered around trying to find something to buy just for the heck of it but ended up leaving empty handed.

The rest of the day was fairly average in terms of adventuring. We shopped for food and supplies for the mega party this weekend - took the kids out to dinner at Sweet Tomatoes, came home and ate Red Velvet Cake. But, there was a smile waiting to burst into a laugh the whole day. For the first time in my whole life, I woke up on a birthday morning feeling like I was not the same person who went to sleep in my bed the night before. I was glorious, radiant even, and the whole world was on fire in love with me.

The best way I can describe it is that it was truly a Birth Day. Like everything that came before led up this day, prepared me, taught me and then set me on my wobbly new legs and said You're here now, go for it! Not so much a new chapter, more like a whole second volume.

I was thinking about how this felt like the "Mother" stage of a woman's life. Even though I've had my babies and have been and am being their mom - even that part was prep work for this stage. Like now I get to mother my Self into greatness. Create something awe inspiring.

Remember those gosh-awful t'shirts that little girls wore in the 70's that said "Future Fox?" I wish I had one that says "Future Crone," because I know that at some point in the future I will be standing on the brink of that life stage and I will look back on this one that I'm starting now. The stuff I will know then that I don't know now, the things I will have done, all I will have accomplished, the people I will have loved, the jokes I will have laughed at - that is all gonna blow my mind. And standing on this side of it is so freakin' exciting!

On Saturday there will be 60-70 people in my house celebrating me. And what I hope to convey is that we are not celebrating the past 40 years. Not looking at where I have come from. We're standing in this moment in absolute awe of the unknown and trembling with anticipation. There is no looking back. There is only right now and what I choose to do with it. There is one right now, a million after the other. A million right nows that add up to something so brilliant I can't look at it head on. A brilliant future that will someday be a glorious past.

I wish you could feel this. That we could together hold this vibrating energy in our cupped palms and douse ourselves in it when the shine of this moment wears off. But even that seems exciting - what the Buddha called the never ending job of chopping wood and carrying water - very unshiny, but each log, each bucket blending together into a collage that as a whole is beautiful.

It's all so very very Red today!

In Grace,

Kell

Remembering Me

Ok I have to write this down while its still fresh. I had an "aha!" moment this morning while reading A Course in Miracles. I've heard the best way to teach your Self something is to explain it to someone else, so here goes.

I am a part of God. My ego, the self- made identity, the person I think I am, is not really a part of Me and does not itself believe it is a part of Me (piece of God). It is in fact, afraid of Me because I am proof that separation from God does not exist. The ego, which is not real, has made the Mind (which is real) believe that it is a learning device of the ego, but it is really a powerful creation tool that belongs to and is a part of Me (piece of God).

I created the ego when I forgot who I am in order to form an identity, but it grew into this huge out-of-proportion goblin and took over. It is this goblin, which is not Me, that has fears. She fears losing relationships with other goblins. She fears breaking the rules because other goblins won't like her. She fears change because it will alter the carefully constructed reality which keeps her alive. She is screaming right now not to write this out because other goblins won't understand, will question My sanity, because maybe the wrong goblin will read this and then I will have a lot of explaining to do. But mostly she doesn't want Me to remember who I am and reclaim the amazing tool of My miraculous Mind because then I (piece of God) will be unstoppable and she will eventually die.

Die Bitch! You're not even real.


Sorry if your goblin doesn't get this one. My (piece of God's) Mind finally wrapped its Self around this and I had to get it down.


Have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell