Moving time...

It's moving time peeps! I have loved it here at Blogger. I adore all the beautiful pictures I can put behind my posts but what I don't love is that there are no filter settings here and anything I say can, will and has been used against me by the people I didn't think were going to see it.

So I'm moving over to LiveJournal, where mostly everything will be public just like it has been. But, if you want to keep closer tabs on the Deva and what is actually going on behind the scenes and between the vague and veiled lines, you can create an account, become my friend and get the whole scoop. That blog is called It's All Red and the public page can be found here.

Life happens in the transitions...so here we go!

In Grace,

Kell

The funny thing about asking for a Grace storm is that it doesn't generally look like you think it's going to. You can claim, pray, beg and intend Grace but what you don't realize is that Grace knows better than you do what is really best. Ramakrishna said "The winds of Grace are always blowing, but you have to raise the sail." So you raise the sail and find yourself enduring gale force winds in the middle of a shit hurricane.

My mom always said, "This is building character." and "It'll get worse before it gets better." I think that was her way of saying it's all Red. It's all getting you where you're going. And you'll be better off when you get there.

The past 48 hours have been the hardest of my entire life I think. The good thing is that words flowed out of me onto paper, the paint flowed fluently from my brushes. Why is it that creativity comes out of me when I am hurting more easily than when I'm happy? Maybe I've got it backward, maybe the hurt comes because the creativity has built up inside and not been outlet. Maybe it pushes itself out in a cathartic way because I tend to ignore my need for it when there are other pleasant distractions going on.

Here's the deal sweethearts: I must apply myself with utmost consistency and discipline to getting on with life. This is going to take hard work and fortitude and a deep connection to the voice of my soul. I think the only way I'm going to make it through is paradoxically to apply myself just as hard to the art. I must paint and write and craft and sing and dance even when I am not inspired to. Especially when I am not inspired to.

I thought I would share what came out of me today:

She flew. Rising higher and higher like she had in so many childhood nightmares.
The tethers that had bound her to the ground trailed behind her, their bloody roots glistening.
She had not known freedom would feel like this. Like tumbling ever onward into clouds filled with thunderous tears.

There was no stopping the onward rush into terror. And yet, there was a pause underneath the rush of wind in her ears.  And behind the crash of lightening ahead. She heard it.

Ka-thump. pause pause pause. Ka-thump. pause pause pause. Ka-thump Ka-thump

She was afraid. Ka-thump. She was lonely. Ka-thump. She was out of control. Ka-thump. She was lost. Ka-thump. She was so very sad. Ka-thump Ka-thump.

And on into the darkness Ka-thump she tumbled Ka-thump falling ever upward Ka-thump into the unknown Ka-thump. There was no rhyme Ka-thump no path to follow Ka-thump no knowing what lay at the end of the rainy cold freefall Ka-thump Ka-thump Ka-thump

There was Ka-thump only the soft Ka-thump quiet beating Ka-thump of her warm Ka-thump, living, Ka-thump glowing, Ka-thump Red Ka-thump heart.

It's all Red sweethearts....everything.

In Grace,

Kell

Hello Sweet Hearts - It's been 2 months since I journaled here. Not my longest absence from the world of blogging, but too long an absence from my living my own life on purpose and with presence. I last wrote right after my first show and was riding a happy high. According to Gay Hendricks, in The Big Leap, this must have triggered a reaction to some unconscious upper limiting belief about my self because shortly thereafter I plunged headfirst into a time of chaos and darkness during which I couldn't tell my own head from my ass to find which way was up.

Hades caught me of course. He always does, every time the earth opens up beneath me and swallows me whole. But this morning he seems to be pushing me out of the womb of the earth and saying it's not time to be here anymore.

If every dark cloud has a silver lining, the most recent one is made up of the people in my life who have shown up to love me through this. And as usual, goddess speaks loudly through the mouths of those around me, so I am blessed to be surrounded by such deep vessels. So, if I may take a moment I'd like to speak in humbled and slightly embarrassed gratitude to those who so eloquently spit my own words back into my face when I needed them.

JKW I would go through hell 2 1/2 more times if it meant I got to meet you all over again. You once toasted to the darkness and told me I would get through this. More recently you told me stop bitching, get my shit together and make a plan. (Well, not in those words, but that's how it translated.)

My sage of wisdom and laughter and the best boss in the whole world who will never ever read this blog....you quoted woo woo LOA new age verbage to me like you'd been raised the love-child of Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer. "You just need to get a vision of what you want your life to look like and then keep looking at it no matter what and see where it takes you."

Miss RS, the Deva of Drama, you put your hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyeballs and quoted my own words back to me. "You are already a radiant goddess no matter what anyone else thinks or says. It's about your pleasure. Everything else will work itself out!"


KC - if I believed in soul mates, you would be her. We are K2 to the nth degree, every guy in a bar's wet dream, and two wild at heart peas in a pod wearing affirmation panties. I am never in a million years re-incarnating without you.


JDS - you will always be my best friend and greatest teacher. Always. No matter what.


Well, there. Sometimes you just have to say thank you.


All of this mostly to inform the universe that I know it's all been Red. To re-affirm and re-intention that a Deva's ultimate calling of making the world a more beautiful place for others to live in is only made possible by her finding and celebrating every ounce of pleasure and every drop of joy in each split second and inch of time and space.


Some famous lady is quoted as saying she wants to be such a woman that when she gets out of bed in the morning, the devil rolls his eyes and say's "Oh crap, she's awake." If I believed the devil was an actual entity and not a myth made up by patriarchal founders of a hundred religions who needed a source of evil in order to scare the masses into submission, he would not just be rolling his eyes, he would be standing in pile of his own shit.


Deva's back! Are you ready for a Grace storm?

Einstein Saturday

All the days leading up to the art show, I kept telling myself about all the stuff I would do once it was over. I kept remembering SARK saying not to get so wrapped up in your passion that you forget to live your life. My yard and garden had become a mess. None of my other projects were getting worked on. I was consumed with getting ready for the show.

So the show happened and was lovely and all that and I took a day off to recover and recuperate and made the decision to do another show in barely over a week. Which means I'm looking at another rapidly approaching deadline and a big push to concentrate on painting and getting ready. That's not a bad thing, right - I mean this is my favorite thing to do so it's not like it's hard. But, my other favorite thing to do is work in my yard and I had really been looking forward to a couple days of getting my feet dirty and finding my green thumbs.

Fortunately I remembered what Gay Hendricks had written in The Big Leap about living in "Einstein Time." Not the Newtonian version where time exists out there and is something that I am constantly fighting with and not having enough of.  But, rather, where time is completely relative to me and exists only where I am so in essence is being created by me. If time is created by me, then I will never run out of it and can simply decide to create more of it.

Armed with this vague and murky knowledge, I sat down and made a ginormous to do list this morning. It included all the gardening and all the cleaning and all the painting and prep work I needed to do in a perfect world where there is always more than enough time to do everything I want to do. This ended up being one of those epic lists that span 2 to 3 notebook pages. I generally only get to the end of the first page on any given day and end up remaking the list the next day.

But this time as I started out hauling mulch bags and cutting back grape vines and pulling weeds in the cool of the morning, I imagined time actually spiraling out of me as I worked. I thought about creating and birthing time itself and imagined myself in my own little bubble of minutes and hours that existed only for my use - completely separate from the clock the rest of the world was running on.

I probably don't have to tell you that I got almost to the end of my ginormous to do list. I worked barefoot in the yard for hours, set up and organized my studio for hours, got out the skill saw and cut up boards for hours, cleaned house for hours - and managed to stay hydrated and full of super foods all day long. I'm looking at this list now, with all its items scribbled out and I cannot believe I did all of these things today. In one day. In 16 hours.

I'm looking forward to another day of Einstein time tomorrow. And all week long as I prepare for this weekend's craft fair, and spend time in my garden, and clean my house and spend time with friends, and work out at the gym, and practice extreme self-care while working my ass off.

I wonder if Einstein ever wore Red?

If it's all Red, that means Time is too....

In Grace,

Kell

Kelli asked me on Facebook today how I was doing and I replied that I'm totally hagging it out. This is what a deva does when she is in total self-care mode and doesn't give a damn what she looks like. But hag is one of those cool words that I'm reclaiming. Yes, my hair is sticking out all over and I'm still in yesterday's underwear. But the original hag was not just the toothless, hunchback who could give you the evil eye or brew a potion to send you into endless sleep, (doesn't sound so bad today!) she was the wise woman who lived deep in the forest to be close to the trees, the herbs and the energy that made "magic" in people's lives. Much like "crone" I'm taking back my right to be a hag. Today I am resting and cleaning up after my big adventure, and yes....magically preparing for my next one!

I had a sign at Cracked Pots that didn't sell - but it got a lot of attention! "Future Crone" was noticed by every woman over the age of 40 who all chuckled and said "I'm already there!" Really? You're already the wisest woman you know? The woman who is so full of inner peace, power and joy that she no longer needs to care one whit what anyone else thinks. The silvery haired shaman, the medicine healer, the gatherer of herbs and the brewer of potions, the writer of "spells" that people could take home, repeat over and over and have come into being. The one people went to when they wanted answers. The one who looked them straight in the eye and told them exactly what they needed but didn't want to hear. She is where I want to go, but I hope I don't ever get there and go "Oh I can stop growing now, I've arrived!"

I understand that people just didn't get it. My Aunt Mary asked me to explain it to her and when I told her the original definition she asked "How come I didn't know that? How did it become just an ugly old woman who is doubled over in pain?" I replied that it was not by accident that she didn't know and that the reason is that if she knew she could become that, she would be powerful and dangerous and the patriarchy could not contain her! And so it is with words like hag and crone and witch and cunt. They've been made awful and dirty and something you would never want to be. I think Future Crone is going to get hung over the Red workbench in my studio.

Anyway, Cracked Pots....lovely Cracked Pots. My first ever show as a real live artist was such a delightful success!  Every one's first question is always "Did you make any money?" Like that's the only measure of success. Well, I'm happy to say that on May 1st, I started keeping track of business expenses and revenues. As of today, I have officially broken even and made my first $25 of actual profit! More importantly, being in that beautiful garden under a giant Maple tree and surrounded by people who create things was a thrill unto itself. I made friends, hundreds of contacts and can now say, officially, with proof, that I am an artist.

Just ask Jacqui and Meribeth who told me I inspire them. They brought their "Gratitude" sign back the next day so I could sign it for them. Ask the 15 year old girl who walked by my spot and then stopped and screamed, "Oh my god! I have to have that! Mom! You have no idea! I need that! I'm not leaving until I have that!" It was "The Journey is the Goal" and whatever it means to her today, I hope she never forgets it. Ask Greta who chatted with me for a half-hour both days. Who "got" every single sign on display and finally ended up with "Act As If" on an old drawer front. Ask Judy who bought "Grace." She has a kidney that a friend gave her 3 years ago. She named it Gracie. She fought back tears as she told me the story. She definitely knows what Grace is. There was the woman who bought "My Cup Runneth Over" for her mom. The story is that immediately after giving birth, her mom whispered those words to her tiny infant.

I love that "Jesus Saves, I Recycle" went home with 5 different people. That two different women bought "Follow Your Passions, They Know The Way" because they knew they needed to see it on a daily basis. I told them both, "They really do know the way; I know this because I'm standing here." I loved the couple that bought "Move Along, these are not the druids you're looking for" for their Star Wars shrine.

Can you tell I had fun? I even had fun staying up 'til 3 a.m. to make more signs to sell on Wednesday. Every sign I made in the wee hours sold and it was a lesson in how fast I can actually crank things out when I want to.

Mostly it was surreal - like I couldn't believe it was me standing there and people were saying how cool it was. I felt like Sally Field..."You like me, you really like me!" I don't know which is more delicious, that I sold 25 signs or that something that came out of me touched someone else' life. There's this whole other wow factor going on around that.

So, today I am hagging it out. Recovering from the lack of sleep and riding the high into tomorrow. I'm reveling in the shimmery energy and the realization that public success involves personal accountability. But, I don't have to know the next step or the how right now. My wild donkey is taking me to new exciting places. I'm just along for the ride.

It's A Rainbow of Reds!

In Grace,

Kell

Long Island Ice Tea and Birthday Cake

My life is perfect. Well, I spend a great deal of time worrying and whining about all the shit that isn't perfect in my life but right now, in this moment. This perfect moment - my life is perfect. I'm sitting on my back deck smack in between the two display sets for Cracked Pots I've been playing with. I'm drinking long island iced tea from a grown up sippy cup (both the liit mix and the cup were a gift for my 40th b'day - I use the cup all the time but am finally breaking out the mixer. I haven't had this in years, it reminds me of college and Thursday nights at Omar's.) There's a votive from my favorite candle makers - Tyler Candle Company - in Birthday Cake flavor. It's a little sickeningly sweet but it's diffusing nicely in the open air.

It's been a great working weekend. I've been kind of in awe of it actually. I actually gave up a family camping trip and turned down a few other choices in lieu of "working" like crazy to get ready for the show. I painted and lettered and painted some more. I slapped primer and gesso on cut up paper bags and then cut out squares and wrote stories for each one of the pieces going to the show with me. I cut a plastic grocery bag into ribbons and attached the story tags to each piece. I took new pictures of every single piece for the special orders album I'm making - did I mention that I painted and lettered and painted some more?

And all the while I kept thinking, "This is suppose to be hard, I'm suppose to be frantic!" And while there is a sense of urgency and deadliney-ness, I'm mostly in awe of the fact that this is my job. Doing what I love most in the whole world is my job.

And another awe inspiring thing is that when you're truly having fun, time doesn't always fly. It seems to come out of me, from that creative place that all things come from - that place where there is always enough of everything, including time. Because not only did I work, but I watched Bay play baseball. I shopped for a phone for my husband and a game system for Gav. I went out for drinks with Kelli last night, and today had nice talks on the studio couch with my sweetheart - and now here I am Relaxing and doing what people are suppose to do with a gorgeous summer evening.

In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks talks about how time expands when we are in our Zone of Genius. I guess I experienced that this weekend and well, I keep saying it, but, wow - it was awesome. And I don't mean it in that 80's flippant valley girl sort of way.

You know all the times I've said that in order to do the thing, you have to be the person who does the thing? This weekend felt like that. Like I was not just doing stuff to get ready for this show so that I could be/do/have whatever it is I want. I felt like I was being the Graceful Deva. And it felt good.

So, whatever it is you want to be/do/have - start being it now. Right now. In this moment. This perfect beautiful gorgeous moment.  I'm raising my grown up sippy cup to your being-ness. Cheers to how Red it all is.

In Grace,

Kell

Summer is here!

27 days 'til Cracked Pots!

I was out of the loop and just realized today is the Summer Solstice! We're mid-way through Beltane and the glorious sun is shining!

The boys are out of school of course. Bailey Little Bear is off to his big New York/Wash DC trip tonight. Amazing how much effort and energy it takes to get one teenager packed and out the door. Gavin Little Bird goes to grandma and grandpa's this weekend and stays for a whole week. Meanwhile Relay for Life is this weekend and I have to get the giant red cardboard barn front out of my garage. Crazy week!

The lovely parts: First ballroom dance class is this Friday! Relay for Life is Saturday and after recovering on Sunday, there will be overlap in the boys trips and this house will be kid-less for almost 3 whole days! Whoot whoot!

I made my big organized flowchart for the day (like I talked about last time) and it has actually helped me stay on track most of the time. I learned another lesson this week that's even better: Relax, chill, make it fun, breathe, do it because you love it, not because you have to have 30 more signs done by 3 weeks from today.

A little bit ago I was in the studio adding hangers to some finished signs and I looked around for what to paint next. Everything that I'd been working on was done! I'd been having so much fun just having fun that I hadn't realized how much progress I was making. So I got out some more pre-cut boards, got out the sander and the primer and started 5 more stations from the beginning.

Ooh! I also talked a lovely young man in Boston named Lee today.  He's with Merchant Warehouse and I, Graceful Deva, can now officially process Visa & MC payments without going through Etsy or PayPal. I will be utilizing their very cheapest program which involves the use of one of those old-school cha-ching, cha-chunk card swiping imprint machines. Ha! The thought of this makes me laugh. It feels a little ridiculous. But hey, being ridiculous lets me know I'm alive.

So, now custom orders don't have to go through Etsy or pay by snail mail.

Have you liked Graceful Deva on Facebook? Please do! I update it separately from my personal page with just stuff that's happening in the studio. Plus, it will make me feel good!

Breathe! Enjoy! Don't beg for Grace, be Grace!

It's All Red.

Kell

Super Nanny to the rescue!

So, I've had a life epiphany. Just now, this morning as I sat in my sweaty gym clothes watching 3 back to back rerun episodes of Super Nanny. (Besides the fact that actually watching tv-as-it-happens instead of a DVR'd version brought home the fact that tv is a giant cluster-f@#$ing waste of time because of all the commercials.)

The other day on a sunny evening walk with my husband, I admitted to him that  I get frustrated with my Self for not knowing how to be organized. I have so many hats, so many roles to juggle that, while I manage to keep the balls in the air, I don't necessarily do any of them very well. There is just seemingly not enough time in the day to get some of everything in to the point that any of it feels like its being adequately taken care of - so I end up feeling fairly mediocre at everything. I have traditionally been a list maker - but my to-do lists always end being these impossible gigantic tools of frustration. I have tried day planners and calendars but I always end up scheduling everything down to the minute and things get messed up in the transitions. So, lately it seems like I have this giant cloud around my head filled with all the different things that need doing, with no specific time set for when I will do them.

This is the reason I found myself in front of the tv this morning even though there were a million better options to be, do, or have.

Enter JoJo the Super Nanny. She took 3 completely out of control, dysfunctional, chaotic families and gave them the tools to fix themselves. The number one thing she said to all of them....establish a routine. She made big bright colorful charts of the step by step process the children needed to do to calmly get out the door in the morning. She had parents fill in the blanks on poster sized hourly schedules regarding when meals were served, babies were fed, naps were taken, toys were picked up, etc.

That's my epiphany.That's what I need. Not a blackberry with microscopic fields you can hardly see. Not a day planner with detailed spaces for minute by minute scheduling. I need a gigantic, poster sized, colorful wall chart with stickers and movable happy faces! I need a "first you do this, then you do this" lesson plan and I need it staring me in the face every morning. I want a routine. I long for order. I want to get up in the morning and know exactly what I will do when because it is exactly what I did yesterday.

You steadfast 9 to 5-ers probably think I'm crazy or lazy or both. I get it. I also get that spontaneity is a beautiful thing and that I need to allow it. But lack of structure is not working and I need to get me some.  Complete with Magic Markers, glitter pens and glow in the dark stickers.On a Red poster board, of course.

Join me at Office Depot anyone?

In Grace,

Kell

I was made for sunny days!

It's amazing how much easier everything is when the sun is shining. I mean, perfectly lovely blue skies without a cloud in sight for hours and hours is just about the most amazing thing in the whole world. Especially after this dreary spring we've had. Everyone has said the sun was just gonna appear and boom it would be summer. That is so okay with me.

Well, the other day I realized it was not okay to be mopey. I know how to feel better, how to inspire myself and how to feel good. So, it was back to square one, starting over at the beginning with Pleasure as the number one principle and priority. Well, duh. I had gotten wrapped up in life again and had forgotten to schedule, plan and implement pleasure every day. And the natural consequence of that is that I found myself not having any fun. Once again, duh!

So I decided to schedule in some fun stuff but also to just decide to have fun no matter what was going on. To celebrate everything. So far, so good. Today was lovely. (I know the sunshine helped, but I was purposefully being happy as well!) We were at the baseball field at 7:00 - then took Bay to finish up his soccer ref training. Then went to the Saturday Market and bought raw honey and bee pollen. (Honey is a super food, eat more of it!) Then we picked up Gav from a birthday party sleep over. All of this momminess was done by 10:30, so I got to open up the garage studio to the sun and spend the day sanding and priming.

I love the feeling of numb hands and arms from using my power sander for so long.  I primed boards and let them dry in the sun. Even the thick coat of goopy white latex I put on after the primer dried fast it was so warm.

In the evening when it cooled off a little I played in the garden. I finally planted the tomatoes the boys had bought me for mother's day. I dug up a diseased peony and planted a rose in it's place. I transplanted the hydrangea my mom gave me for my 39th birthday into a shady spot in the back yard. I cut back rhododendron that had gone all viney and pulled a million weeds. The raspberries had grown over Spanky's grave so I tied them up and pulled some rogue canes. I worked in the yard until it was too dark to see. OMG it felt good!

I love that there are so many different kinds of perfect days.  It's true that the fastest way to attain Happiness is to just be happy where you are. And celebrate the hell out of it.

Having the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Deva Does Weather

Getting ready to head south on the freeway to visit my in-laws for Memorial Day weekend. The weather is drab and cheerless - everyone is so tired of the yucky gray raininess! I'm wishing I could stay home and work in the studio. Cracked Pots in mid-July is fast approaching and I'm starting to get that panicky feeling about all the stuff that needs to get done by then. Not to mention just making signs!

Day 26 of my moon cycle and I'm going to my in-laws. I keep saying, "Every person and situation is a golden link in the chain of my incoming good."

On a Sunny note, I have signs at a little antiques/collectibles store in Albany called Our Sister's Attic. I can't link to their website because I haven't built it for them yet! Wow, need to be working on that too.

We discovered that our van has a headlight out and we needed to change it out before hitting the road. J was standing at the front door watching the skies dump rain and not wanting to go out and fix the light. I told him to hang on a few minutes, maybe it would let up. Then I went to the back door, centered myself in my lower body, raised my arms and felt the rain saturating everything and thanked it. Then I "lifted the clouds" - imagined hot sun beating on my face, smiled at make-believe rainbows shining through the mists and the warmth of blue skies drying out the soggy earth. I smiled and said thank you and went back to packing suitcases.

Five minutes later J shouted that the rain had let up and he was going out to fix the car light. I looked out the bedroom window at blue skies, mists lifting off the wet pavement and sunshine beating on the wet trees. "Holy Crap! I did that!" I shouted. He doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm an egomaniac. The rains are back now that he's done with the car and I'm okay with that. Mother Nature gave me what we needed and that's enough.

I just think people are more powerful than we think we are. Or that "prayer" means something different than we think it does. Funny that I "know" I can do weather, but seem to have a problem with nutrition, having more than just enough money, and feeling fabulous on Day 26. Like one type of energy is harder than another. Oh, well - Baby Steps.

It's All Red My Lovelies - be sweet to your Selves.

In Grace,

Kell

Flowing Goodness

I tried to update over the weekend but blogger wasn't working. Instead I made a Facebook Page for Graceful Deva - check it out if you haven't yet. I need a few more "likes" on the page and then something magical and official will happen.

My copy of "The Game of Life and How to Play It" by Florence Scovel Shinn is way over due at the library. I'm kind of in awe when I find someone who says exactly what I need to hear at exactly the right time even though they wrote it over 85 years ago! She has a huge library of affirmations that I picked and chose from. They're now on index cards and hanging all over my house.

"My good now flows to me in a steady, unbroken, ever-increasing stream of happiness."

It's All Red!

In Grace,

Kell

Be Easy

I just finished this sign - my first custom order for an Etsy customer - it turned out so great with lots of knot and nail holes showing through and catching different layers of paint.

I love doing the signs that mean something special to someone, even if I don't know exactly what it means to them or the story behind it. It feels so special to work on something that's going to catch someone's breath or inspire them to greatness or remind them how important they are, every time they see it.

I don't know the story behind "Be Easy" for this young woman in Wisconsin but I love what it has come to mean for me this week as I worked on it. Several years ago I found a woman named Julia Rogers Hamrick who lives in this magical place called Easy World. It's the place where things unfold smoothly, flowingly, where even the bumps and bruises of daily life are handled gracefully and effortlessly. How does one get to Easy World? By taking a deep breath and saying "I choose to live in Easy World where everything is easy." Shitstorms become manageable, chaos fades into the background, even scary things like grief and loss suddenly are contained in a giant reservoir of grace. Decisions are made efficiently, knotted schedules work themselves out and I am suddenly super-woman, minus the stress.

Generally I live in Difficult World, where you may have guessed, everything is difficult. But my passport and portal into Easy World is always open and available - when I remember to "breathe, relax, allow and enjoy."

"Be Easy" to me is a gentle loving reminder that it is only my resistance to what is that makes life difficult. Easy is a state of being. My true nature, the Deva within, is Easy incarnate. It is only when I forget who I am and start to believe my ego's made up stories about how the way it's suppose to be that things get difficult.

Easy is about how I handle and react. It's not about what I am handling and reacting to.

So take a deep breath darlings, join me in Easy World. It's very Red here.

In Grace,

Kell

Noticing how far we've come...

The Life Makeover action of the week is to review the past 6 months or so and take note of all your growth and accomplishments. I don't know why its hard to do this. I think I'm so geared to push ever onward ("Further up, Further in!) and it feels inefficient to pause and look backwards. Mostly it feels like I don't deserve it yet. Like I don't have enough tangible results to warrant the kudos.

Although, just last night Jay and I made some reference to our lives back in Corvallis just before me moved and we both had this moment of, Wow - we're not even the same people we were then and that was only 18 months ago! I guess its just harder to quantify and list internal change and put it down on paper.

One thing this exercise did get me to do was review and read all of my past blogs. Every single one of them! In the first place, I can't believe I missed my one year anniversary of being a blogger and made no mention of it. Second, I noticed that from time to time along the way, some of you actually commented and in my lack of blogger knowledge, I failed to ever notice, let alone respond. Thank you to those that commented. I appreciate your words a little late but they nonetheless thrill my soul.

When I posted my very first blog entry back in February of 2010 I remember having such trepidation, yet feeling so courageous to actually begin a course of action that would hold me accountable to living life fully.

Do you have time to wander down memory lane with me? Here's a list of my faves from the past year and two months:

Silver chandeliers, red patent leather, and green mason jars

So, why all the Red?

Cracked Pots  (There is even more joy connected to this post now!)

On the edge....

Walk into the light!

Shinin' the Light

Riding the Wild Donkey

A Million Right Nows

What a blast it's been! Thanks for being a part of my Red journey.

In Grace,

Kell

Red Hot and Holy Love

I've been hanging onto this blogpost/newsletter from Sera Beak and the Redvolution since Valentine's Day. I love the way she writes - I found The Red Book long after I fell in love with Red and all things goddessy, but I've always said that she wrote the manifesto I didn't know how to write.

This is verbatim from her Valentine's Day post but I think it bears repeating any time of year.....

Happy Red Hot and Holy Love Day!
Red is much more than a color.

It's a pulse. An energy. A truth.

It's a forgotten Language

(of Love)

a forbidden Movement

(in Love)

an extremely detailed Divine Dare

(to Love)

even more... even more...even more. Yep, even more.

Red is a taste (of Red wine). A feel (of fire). A smell (of roses).

Red is a tawdry Touch (of freedom )

Everywhere

Red is your life force, your She force, demanding embodiment and a Red cape. Red is medicinal (cherry flavored) - fulfilling your soul's unique prescription. Red is an attitude (badass) and a force of nature (volcano) begging to be reckoned with.

Remember

Red are the creations you make when you stop seeking external approval or acceptance, sales or more FaceBook friends (update your soul's status instead, yo!)

Red raises your spiritual temperature and expands your cosmic current.

Red turns you inside out (Boo!)

(scaring the neighbors, setting off fire alarms, inspiring galaxies) 

But most of all, Red is an incredibly cheesy (obviously) yet ecstatically explosive Valentine the Universe delivers to your holy heart

every

time

it

beats.

(Ka BOOM!!!)

(Ka BOOM!!!)

(Ka BOOM!!!)

Pretty cool, huh?

In Grace,

Kell

All's Well That Is.....

You know that saying "All's well that ends well?" I think it's best to live with the assumption that it's going to end well. I mean, its happening - and how do I know how it's going to end? It may not end for years and years and if I'm being here in it living as if it's going to end badly - that's a long time to be miserable. Even if it ends tomorrow and it ends "badly" why not put off feeling shitty about it until the situation actually warrants it? But even then, if it ends badly and I feel shitty about it - I'm still learning, growing and evolving and I control how I turn out as a result of the bad ending. So, since "it" is never over until I am, its safe to assume that All is Well. Always. Just a different shade of Red.

Anyway - I'm officially in gearing up mode for Cracked Pots! My first ever show and sale is in July! And the lovely thing is that this is not your grandma's crafts bazaar, this is an ART show. Which means the ART SHOW committee looked at my stuff and decreed for the entire world to witness that my stuff is ART! There are giggles happening here - can you feel them?

OOooohhh! Have you checked out "Women, Food & God" by Geneen Roth? Good stuff here about feeling what you're avoiding feeling and how it doesn't kill you after all. Not really a "how to" book, more like a "notice how this happens" book. Very interesting even if your crutch isn't food related. (Although mine historically has been!)

Mama Gena says everyone needs a theme song in order power through the conjuring of desires. This week I  stumbled upon mine and am excited to share them! I can't figure out how to link an audio file here on the blog, but if you check out this link to the GracefulDeva site, there will be audio players for Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers' "State of the Art" and The Weepies' "Sunny Days."

Speaking of music, today I was working in the studio accompanied by Bailey playing Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive"on the unplugged electric guitar. It was one of those moments you know you're going to remember forever.

The Journey is the Goal - (I'm working on that sign right now!) make it beautiful and have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,


Kell

Brrr...everything's cold!

I'm pretty sure I had brilliant things to say but the last 2 1/2 hours sitting on the frozen tundra of the baseball sidelines made my fingers and my brain numb. There is not enough hot tea in the whole world.

Big Little Bear had a tremendous game for the first preseason game of the year so it was worth it. I have to get my mommy van set up for the season with extra chairs, blankets, scarves, gloves, umbrellas, etc.

Today was brilliant. I sat down and wrote a big desire list as relates to artwork. I'd been wanting to do something visually creative, like a vision board, for Graceful Deva art but didn't really know how to do it and couldn't find pictures that expressed my feelings on it.

So, I did a "radiant thinking" wheel, got out the markers and turned it into a  colorful poster. Half the stuff on it wouldn't make sense to anyone but me, but I think I've adequately captured what doing artwork means to me, why I do it, what I want other people to get out of it. I hung it in my workspace so I can remember why I'm doing what I do.

Then, I got hangers on 4 more signs and got three up on the Etsy shop. I'm going to have to redo the lettering on one, the bright green letters just don't show up on the dark pink background.

It was fun to see how many people had been looking at my shop! Someone even "favorited" one of the items, whatever that means. While we were at the baseball game, someone texted J to ask if I take requests! Fun!

Am so tired and there's a hot shower somewhere with my name on it.What a fabulously Red day.

Hope you have one too!

In Grace,

Kell

Practice practice practice....

Woke up this morning feeling Blah. I realize I've come to associate weekends not with that blissful sense of freedom and lack of responsibility but with just the opposite. I woke up with a list full of crap running through my head and no joy at the thought of getting to the bottom of it.

Mama Gena says Pleasure requires choosing fun over obligations and others' expectations - so it occurred to me what an incredible opportunity this is to practice what I so gleefully spout off to others. Once again, I found myself out of practice when it comes to looking for Pleasure everywhere. Why was I miserably content to wallow in the ickiness instead of finding one thing, anything, to change the downward spiral?

Saying, "Choose a different thought" is so much easier than doing it, isn't it? I actually felt this moment of indecision - like the choice to be happy and have a good day versus the choice to be grumpy and resentful was a hard one. I love that sometimes just noticing the train of one's thoughts helps steer it in a different direction.

I decided what I really needed was some endorphins so I got dressed and went to the gym. I felt so good when I got back that I took my dog for a long walk. I've been a slave to the muse of the paintbrushes and sanders ever since - the lovely thing is that paint needs time to dry, so I do the icky things like dishes and laundry and hunting down last seasons soccer jersey in between coats of paint. So, the real thing I'm doing is painting and the other stuff is just what I'm cramming in as an afterthought in my spare time. Amazing how when I make Pleasure and my own self-care the most important thing, it works out best for everyone and everything, huh?

This afternoon is Little Bird's first ever indoor soccer game. Another opportunity to practice pussy power while doing the mom thing. Getting to be a full circle - a mommy, Deva, sexpot all at the same time!

Going to a birthday party tonight. After having my own big birthday bash last week it'll be cool to celebrate someone else's incarnation. Another little piece of God who is separate from me and yet part of the same whole. Isn't life cool like that?

Mark Twain once said something to the effect of - Nobody's life is boring. Inside every person's story there is a comedy and a drama and a tragedy, mostly all going on at the same time.

Have a crazy, sexy, happy Red day!

In Grace,


Kell

Note from the Universe....to me!

Ever notice, Kelly, how those who give their all to just "getting by," usually do?

Yeah.

Then you must wonder, too, why they don't just give their all to rocking the flippin' world?

Costs the same.

Just another one of life's mysteries,
    The Universe




I love Mike Dooley! Go here if you want to sign up for your daily note from the Universe.


Also, fyi, it took less than 12 hours for me to sell an item on Etsy! I'm doing that day job commute thing today and am squirming in my seat because I want to be home painting!

Having a very Red day!

In Grace,

Kell

Graceful Deva's on Etsy!

The difference between a baby step and acting small is that one takes you in the direction of your dreams and the other keeps you in your box.

Don't know if anything will ever come of this, but it's my declaration to the world that I'm an artist and I'm open for business! Three items are live on http://www.etsy.com/people/GracefulDeva  !!!

Whoop Whoop!

Kell

Into the Beautiful

So the Deva's 40th Birthday Party was awesome! A gloriously lovely perfect day. It will be a springboard for many mini parties with the people I didn't get to visit much with on account of there were a million people here.

So here I am on a Monday afternoon - the first one of the next decade - and here is where the rubber now meets the proverbial road. Now is where the real magic must be worked in order to maintain a certain level of shininess every day for the next 40 years. Here's where those not so fun words like discipline, commitment, consistency, and practice must be put into play. But those words are not so bad when you are disciplined to experience Pleasure, committed to putting your Dreams into action, consistently visualizing the Deva you are becoming, and practicing extreme Self-care.

Ha! Here's a life metaphor for you - brilliant sun outside my window and hail dumping on the deck. Gotta love it!

So, today I'm moving forward into the beautiful with both thoughtful planning and wide-eyed bewilderment. The lamp on my foot (don't know the exact Biblical reference here) only lights up one step at a time so each step involves fearless faith, ecstatic expectations, and lusty pleasure.

I've been trying to channel some Athena energy - for craftsmanship, wisdom, and strategy - but it's the lithe, graceful Artemis who keeps coming to mind. She says aim your arrow slightly ahead of where you want to be and your quarry will actually run into it!  Never waver, never take your eyes of the mark and you won't miss it. It's the target that's important, not how you're gonna get there. If the target is something you want so bad you can taste it and feel it and love it NOW, then the way will find you.

UhOh Life interrupts life. Gotta go get the Little Bird from school. It's All Red.

In Grace,

Kell

A Million Right Nows

It's entirely possible that the people in my close-up world are getting tired of it being my birthday, but I'm squeezing every drop out of this juicy fruit. It feels momentous. I know the shine will wear off soon enough and I don't want to forget how I'm feeling these days.

The day itself was one giant smile. I woke up to blue skies, a fabulous gift from Father Sky who seemed to reach right down and hand it to me personally. Mother Earth made the first red tulip in my front yard (from bulbs I bought at the Tulip Festival last year) burst open and laugh - I swear she did - with pure joy.

My husband and I had a hilarious breakfast adventure that we will never forget. We like to "do" breakfast and have started our own mini tradition of trying new places in our still new surroundings that we've never gone to before. For lack of any particular place that we knew of, we opened our metro area Entertainment Book and chose the first coupon that served breakfast all day. Good thing we had a coupon because we probably spent $10 in gas driving there. Clear out in NE Portland, across the St. John's Bridge and into the historic little St. John's district. The place was a hilarious little dive that we would recommend to no one. We walked in the door and knew we were there for the adventure. The food tasted fine, although the omelettes were a little greasy and we were kind of glad we couldn't see the grill they were cooked on. There were a lot of "regulars" there, mostly old timers who put their bills on a tab and looked like they would make most sunday school teachers incredibly uncomfortable. The establishment also housed a "collectibles" shop that was mostly Avon stuff and yucky craft supplies. We wandered around trying to find something to buy just for the heck of it but ended up leaving empty handed.

The rest of the day was fairly average in terms of adventuring. We shopped for food and supplies for the mega party this weekend - took the kids out to dinner at Sweet Tomatoes, came home and ate Red Velvet Cake. But, there was a smile waiting to burst into a laugh the whole day. For the first time in my whole life, I woke up on a birthday morning feeling like I was not the same person who went to sleep in my bed the night before. I was glorious, radiant even, and the whole world was on fire in love with me.

The best way I can describe it is that it was truly a Birth Day. Like everything that came before led up this day, prepared me, taught me and then set me on my wobbly new legs and said You're here now, go for it! Not so much a new chapter, more like a whole second volume.

I was thinking about how this felt like the "Mother" stage of a woman's life. Even though I've had my babies and have been and am being their mom - even that part was prep work for this stage. Like now I get to mother my Self into greatness. Create something awe inspiring.

Remember those gosh-awful t'shirts that little girls wore in the 70's that said "Future Fox?" I wish I had one that says "Future Crone," because I know that at some point in the future I will be standing on the brink of that life stage and I will look back on this one that I'm starting now. The stuff I will know then that I don't know now, the things I will have done, all I will have accomplished, the people I will have loved, the jokes I will have laughed at - that is all gonna blow my mind. And standing on this side of it is so freakin' exciting!

On Saturday there will be 60-70 people in my house celebrating me. And what I hope to convey is that we are not celebrating the past 40 years. Not looking at where I have come from. We're standing in this moment in absolute awe of the unknown and trembling with anticipation. There is no looking back. There is only right now and what I choose to do with it. There is one right now, a million after the other. A million right nows that add up to something so brilliant I can't look at it head on. A brilliant future that will someday be a glorious past.

I wish you could feel this. That we could together hold this vibrating energy in our cupped palms and douse ourselves in it when the shine of this moment wears off. But even that seems exciting - what the Buddha called the never ending job of chopping wood and carrying water - very unshiny, but each log, each bucket blending together into a collage that as a whole is beautiful.

It's all so very very Red today!

In Grace,

Kell

Remembering Me

Ok I have to write this down while its still fresh. I had an "aha!" moment this morning while reading A Course in Miracles. I've heard the best way to teach your Self something is to explain it to someone else, so here goes.

I am a part of God. My ego, the self- made identity, the person I think I am, is not really a part of Me and does not itself believe it is a part of Me (piece of God). It is in fact, afraid of Me because I am proof that separation from God does not exist. The ego, which is not real, has made the Mind (which is real) believe that it is a learning device of the ego, but it is really a powerful creation tool that belongs to and is a part of Me (piece of God).

I created the ego when I forgot who I am in order to form an identity, but it grew into this huge out-of-proportion goblin and took over. It is this goblin, which is not Me, that has fears. She fears losing relationships with other goblins. She fears breaking the rules because other goblins won't like her. She fears change because it will alter the carefully constructed reality which keeps her alive. She is screaming right now not to write this out because other goblins won't understand, will question My sanity, because maybe the wrong goblin will read this and then I will have a lot of explaining to do. But mostly she doesn't want Me to remember who I am and reclaim the amazing tool of My miraculous Mind because then I (piece of God) will be unstoppable and she will eventually die.

Die Bitch! You're not even real.


Sorry if your goblin doesn't get this one. My (piece of God's) Mind finally wrapped its Self around this and I had to get it down.


Have the Reddest Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell

Riding the Wild Donkey

One of my favorite bloggers, Goddess Leonie of Goddess Guidebook.com, recently said something that struck me as both hilarious and profound as well as very timely in my life.

Leonie supports her family with her blog, artwork, etc. She took her dream and leaned so far into it that there was simply no other way of being. Last week she provided her readers with her own personal method for accomplishing - something she has done a lot of in the last few years. She calls it the Ride ze Wild Donkey method.

In Queensland, Australia where she lives there are these funny little critters we would call burros. They're shaggy and wily, living mostly out on the high wild plains, but occasionally one of these sly creatures will find its way into a well manicured paddock to take advantage of the lush grass and free security. Leonie says when your orderly, habitual thinking, dreaming and being is interrupted by one of these Wild Donkeys of an idea that comes out of nowhere and nags you and won't go away, that your only job is to get on it and ride.

Now, real wild donkeys aren't house broke, they aren't ridden easily and they don't play by the rules. So, you can be sure jumping on the back of that new thought or dream isn't gonna be easy and smooth. It's gonna take you on the ride of your life. Literally.

You can't plan out where the donkey is gonna go, in fact your well-laid plans are probably going to get trampled under its hooves as it rips up the grass of your manicured life. Your only job is to get on, hang on, and watch where it goes. The rest is up to the donkey. Ride it till it's done. And then get off.

Leonie, like me and everyone else, admits she's had plenty of good ideas that she didn't get on and ride.  The ones she wanted to wait on and digest and plan and think about. Those are the ones that are still in her inbox.

So get on that Wild Donkey and ride it! It came into your paddock for a reason. Be the person enjoying the ride, not the person wondering what the donkey means or waiting to get the conditions just right.


I'm pretty sure my Donkey is Red!

In Grace, (Master Osho says it's the Opposite of Gravity)

Kell

Speaking the Truth, or Throwing a Temper Tantrum

So, today was a very unproductive day. I woke up got out of bed and just had no umph to do anything. I had this annoyed out of my mind feeling all day - like I should be doing lots of things, but I didn't really want to, but that was a bad thing.

My husband was trying to get me to get out of the house - go pick up a pizza with him. I was trying to tell him about this kind of yucky cloud I had hanging over me. I mentioned that my moon cycle started waning a few days ago and now that the real moon is waning I had this very pulling down and inward thing going on and that I had intentioned to do things well when this time came so as to not end up feeling like this for 2 whole weeks and that part of my angst was that I felt I hadn't been true to that today.

He then commented that he sometimes wondered if my knowing and talking about my "moon cycle" (the quotations are his) doesn't just give me a psychological excuse to get depressed or angry or bitchy or unproductive or whatever. I started to answer that I realized the possibility of that happening and that the point is to recognize and realize the timing so that I can do something about it - like making sure I get some exercise, drinking plenty of water, not eating sugar, taking extra Vitamin D, etc. And to do these things consciously and on purpose so that I don't spiral into a dark hole of self-pity.

He then rolled his eyes and said that he only wondered if I wanted to go pick up a pizza with him. I was so freakin' hurt in that instant, take-your-breath-away and have no idea what to say sort of way. Why did he bring up and contribute to the conversation if he thought it was stupid? Why did he make eye contact and encouraging noises if it was the most boring conversation of his life and he couldn't wait for it to be over?

Normally I would slink into a corner and not say anything but something clicked this time and there was just no way I was going to be ridiculed for talking about my feelings, or for reaching out in a female way on a female topic and then being shut down. I actually had the thought that this is how the burning times keep happening in our culture and that if I didn't consciously pull myself off the stake that they will never stop. So, I let him have it.

Unfortunately I think my anger at being shut down and silenced came out more like just an extension of my pms-ing. It came out very bitchy. Also both my sons were standing in the room at the same time and while I don't regret that they saw me rage in defense of my Self, I think they perceived the situation as something they needed to contribute to and both of them made funny, jokey remarks in an attempt, I think, to bring some levity into the room. In the heat of the moment, all I saw was two more people with penises telling the person without one to shut up and stop inconveniencing everyone with the truth. Get back on the burning stake, mom. So, I let them have it too.

In the end before I stormed out the door to go get the damn pizza was to let them know in no uncertain terms that I wasn't nearly as angry about my unproductive day as I was at not being allowed to talk about it.

The funny thing is I'm not telling this story now so that I can bitch about my husband or complain that my own sons contribute to the ongoing patriarchy game. I'm also not confessing my own flying off the handle and feeling guilty about it. If anything, I'm actually doing what Mama Gena would call bragging.

For once in my life I felt that nudge and honored it. I actually heard that voice tell me I was worth defending. Not that I had personally been terribly wronged, but that there was a principle at stake and if I walked away and left it alone a precedent would be set, reset really, and my family culture would forever be formed by it. For once the words didn't get stuck in my blue chakra behind my poor thyroid that is just starting to heal - they came tumbling, ripping out - like Kali's flashing fiery swords, cutting away what no longer serves.

Yes, there was smoky residue. Yes, feelings got hurt. Yes, I coulda shoulda woulda handled it better. Perhaps a little more grace and a little less cussing was in order. But my guys are all fine now and it turns out they actually got the gist of what my ire was all about. And afterward I was just kinda in awe that I felt the nudge and acted on it at all. That my voice spoke when it felt it needed to. I thought, "Hey look at me, I'm actually learning!"

It's all baby steps. Tiny, imperfect, faltering, red steps toward the light.

So, this day turned out pretty Red after all. Not that it ever doesn't.

In Grace,

Kell

On being nothing...

Am reading The Book of Secrets by Osho. In hinduism, the difference between a yoga and a tantra (from a tranta-ists perspective) is that a yoga involves the repression of all desires while a tantra involves the full expression and experience of all desires until they no longer serve you. Like eating too much chocolate cake and pushing the plate away?

The only alternative to using a methodology, either a yoga or a tantra, says Osho, is to surrender. We choose to use a methodology because surrender is the hardest thing to do. The only way to surrender is to discover who you are. Show me who you are, he says. So the student meditates and learns that she is not her body. She lives in her body but it is not who she is. She meditates some more and learns that she is not her mind because her mind is only the rantings of her ego which only has one belief - that she is not god. So I must be my soul, my atma, she says and goes to meditate on this some more. Then she learns that the atma, the soul, is only a collection of philosophies, doctrines and teachings. And to her horror and delight she learns that she is nothingness, a blank slate, clear air, the space in-between. Now, says Osho, you have learned surrender. Now you can be filled up with god-ness.

This seems too big to digest - I guess I will keep reading the 112 tantras given by Shiva and Devi on how to be free.

This little piece of nothing/everything had a delightful evening last night at the inaugural meeting of a new book club. We met at the Vault in the Pearl District. We're going to read The Color of Water by James McBride. Every woman at the meeting is at least 10 years older than me. Four of us are Aries and carried giant red purses. They are beautiful, every one of them and I sat there in that loud bar feeling how cool it is to be a woman and have woman-ness in common with both those I "connect" with and those I don't.

Today I am meeting Deva Kelli at the tea house here at home. It is beautiful and serene and Victorian and I can't wait to sit there sometime and write. My stories seem both blatantly at odds and at home with the puritanical surroundings and the raging hormones of the Victorian era.

I continue to fight daily with the to-do list in the back of my head. Even when I am peacefully reading or joyfully painting, there is an underlying guilt about what I am not doing. It is a learning process, this being instead of doing. What is it an artist does in order to BE an artist? What is a Deva does in order to BE a Deva? What does a mother of two with a messy house, a dirty dog, an at-home job, and a husband who constantly worries about money DO in order to be a Deva? I don't think the answers come by brain storming a giant list of the things one does in order to be. It comes from relaxing into the being. Its a flow rather than a schedule. Sometimes I will BE doing the dishes. Sometimes I will BE sanding a board or painting a wall. Sometimes I will BE reading a book by a Hindu mystic or writing down the stories of a woman's fantasy life. Sometimes I will BE at the computer working on economic development. So, there is no to-do list. There is only a to-be list.

Last week I Be'd a gardner. Here is a picture of the start of one of my "lasagna" garden beds. This summer it will Be lettuce and chard and tomatoes and cucumbers. No one will make it a to-do list. No one will tell it how to do in order to be. It will just be it.

Having a very deep Red Day,

In Grace, (that ever flowing, ever abundant field of joy that you can never do enough to earn, because it is your birthright)

Kell

Shinin' the Light.

I belong to a LifeMakeover Group. That's a group of women going through, chapter by chapter the book, "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson. It just so happens that this particular LMO group only has me and one other person in it. Deva Kelli and I are like separate trains runnin' on parallel train tracks. She "gets" every word that comes out of my mouth and I'm always amazed that the words coming out of hers are exactly what my soul was already feeling or needed to hear. Anyway, we talk more about Mama Gena than we do Life Makeovers but this week we decided to be "caught up" to chapter 23 which is called "Shine the Light."


The take action challenge in this chapter is to shine a bright light on a secret dream. Take it out of the closet, shake the dust off, and make some kind of declaration about it.  I've been slowly trying to do just that to a couple of friends, my husband, and here on this blog. But to shine the full force of the sun on my sweet moldy little dream feels like standing naked in Grand Central Station.

So here goes...

I've been, with some trepidation and reluctance, begun practicing referring to my Self as an "artist." I recently announced I'm taking on the new official part/full time job of being such an animal and seeing where that takes me. For years people have been telling me "your signs are so cute," "you're so talented," "you should have a website," "you should be in craft fairs," "you should sell you work." Blah blah blah. I either didn't really take them, or me, seriously or I just didn't know where to start.

Here's where I want it to take me. I'd like to have my signs/chairs/toolboxes, etc. in about 5-10 different locations in the state at any given time. I'd like to "show" in a couple of art fairs each year. I'd like being an artist to be so successful that I don't have to work for anyone else. But here's the big part. The part that's really coming out of the closet.

I'd like to run/own/operate one of those adorable seasonal boutiquey craft fairs that operates for 3-4 weekends in a row 3-4 times a year. One that brings together the beautiful artplay of beautiful women who make things especially for other beautiful women. It's called "Pomegranates." It lives in an antique barn, or maybe a funky grange hall, or maybe someone's guest house or over sized tool shed.

Have to admit that I didn't know I had this part of the dream until I met Deva Kelli and she told me her dream is to run a boutique  but didn't know how running a full time retail shop would work with her being a full-time mother of three and I actually suggested that she try the "seasonal boutique" thought on for size.  The more I thought about it for her, the more I wanted it for me. And for Pete's sake the universe is big enough for both of us, isn't it?

Well, the light is shining. Not sure what to do with it next. Guess I'll just head back into the studio and paint the crap out of some more boards.

Red is scary sometimes.

In Grace,

Kell

I Love Me!

Been so long since I blogged. Guess that's what happens when you live your life and don't have time to write about it. Soooo much has happened and I always feel like I need to catch everything up here in blogland. But I'm not gonna.

It's Valentine's Day. A Holiday I've come to intrinsically dislike and disagree with on so many levels. As if we are incomplete without a sweetheart in our lives. As if having a sweetheart fixes everything. As if that sweetheart could love us perfectly without our learning to love our Selves first.

That being said my Sweetheart has been rather lovely lately. We did our Val-Day thing yesterday, and he went without complaint to a whole/raw restaurant in Portland that I've been oogling. He enjoyed it very much - its tastiness far surpassed his expectations and I am infinitely cooler than before.

That same Sweetheart of mine has had an incredible epiphany lately. It seems that as he approaches 40 (I'll get there first!) and faces that inevitable mid-life crisis thing, that he has found new fulfillment, joy and life-essence in the prospect of making me Happy! All I can say is, Mama Gena was right. It seems that when I make my own pleasure, joy and fulfillment a priority to Me, I become this amazing, interesting, beautiful woman that suddenly everyone else wants to make Happy too. I've said it once, I'll say it again, every woman in America needs to read this book

Thanks to Deva Rana's encouragement and the now out loud verbal support of that sweet guy of mine, oh and the screaming whisper of my inner goddess saying "Enough already! Get on with it!" I am now devoting myself to the 2nd job of being an artist. The antique shop in Albany is almost ready for my work - Deva Kelli is ready to research a show or two, and there are lovely outlets all over the place once I start looking. The Graceful Deva website is under construction to support this endeavor and every Monday is devoted to the magic of Art Play.

There's another creative project underway but under wraps for now. Its a writing project and lets just say the research is fun and titillating. It's been in the back of my brain for a couple of years but is now springing forward onto the written page - sometimes sheepishly, sometimes powerfully - but always with lots and lots of Red!  I take my little Red notebook to a coffee shop on Fridays now and write lovely, wicked things - right in plain view of baristas, business men with laptops, church ladies with bibles and college students with homework.

Got to see one of my heroes, Green Smoothie Girl, live and in person recently. I've been 70-80% raw lately and she is on of the people who inspires me. I've been finishing up the Women on the Edge of Evolution podcast series from last year - its always amazing to hear how my journey is not just my own, and certainly not alone. Ooh! One last thing that I am so excited about - although no one else will be - tomorrow I'm having my first colon hydrotherapy session! I will keep the gory details to my Self, but will let everyone know if it makes me feel good!

Happy all about Red-Hot, Passionate Love Day! Be the very best sweetheart of your own Soul that you can possibly be. What is it your dream love would do for you today? If you don't currently have one, or he/she falls a little short, do it for your Self! You are so miraculously, gorgeously, beautifully worth it.

Have the Reddest Red Day Ever!

In Grace,

Kell